You Might be in an Evangelical Christian Bubble if... My Top 15

Just for the record, I am not a redneck. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against rednecks. In fact, some of my friends are rednecks.

I don't know much about being a redneck, but channeling my inner Jeff Foxworthy, I decided to write a light-hearted look at the evangelical Christian subculture.

If you have any doubt whether you might be living in this sometimes bizarre cultural bubble...

You might be living in an Evangelical Christian bubble if you have ever...

15 - Said, "Happy Resurrection Day!"

14 - Worn a wristband that said, "What Would Jesus Do?"

13 - Had a debate about whether the Pope is the Anti-Christ.

12 - Owned multiple copies of the Bible, some with profound insights and others with down-to-earth real-life applications (and don't read any of them).

11 - Wondered if your favorite celebrity is "really" a Christian.

10 - Gotten one of those awkward side hugs.

9 - Prayed "for traveling mercies," "for everyone whose sick to feel better," or the intriguing, "unspoken" request.

8 - Kept quiet because you were afraid of being judged for how you really felt about an issue. 

7 - Felt pressured to invite your friends to youth group or church, but decided not to because you thought they wouldn't be welcomed.

6 - Sung a 7-11 song, (a song with 7 words that you repeat 11 times).

5 - Had a mental top ten list of the "worst" sins (smoking, having sex, drinking beer, homosexuality, abortion...).

4 - Been advised to "love the sinner, hate the sin" or told "all things work together for good" or my personal favorite, counseled that "you should definitely pray about that."

3 - Had an "accountability partner", (in other cultures, these are referred to as "friends").

2 - Put on a fake smile when you entered the church.

1 - Used "Christian" as an adjective to describe a T-shirt.

HINT: If you were offended by something on this list, you are definitely in the bubble. Being offended by other people's views is very bubblish. But, if you felt proud that some of them don't describe you because you are more enlightened than that, then you too may be in the bubble. Spiritual pride is definitely a characteristic of the bubble.

If you can't imagine anyone ever believing some of that stuff, then you have probably escaped unscathed.

I hope this list reminds us all to laugh at ourselves and our quirky ways.

God's grace is sufficient for us.

What things are on your list? 

Follow Your Bliss: Making Your Life Worth Living

Lately, I keep hearing the phrase, “Follow Your Bliss.” I think it will be one of our Family Rules. Mostly people just seem to use it to mean, “Do what makes you happy.” But, it stems from the work of Joseph Campbell. He described a way of living that flows from the core of your being, awakens your complete awareness (your consciousness) and flows toward what gives you bliss and rapture.

His statement, “follow your bliss,” encapsulates this whole notion.

He realized that he may never truly know if he had a proper consciousness or a proper sense of his being, but he felt sure that he knew what would bring him bliss. And, if he could follow that path toward his bliss, he felt sure that he would find both a proper consciousness and a proper being.

“If you do follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Wherever you are—if you are following your bliss, you are enjoying that refreshment, that life within you, all the time,” p. 150.

The Bible speaks similarly of the importance of following our deepest longings our greatest desires. We are to put off the sin that so easily entangles us and mires us in lies and bogs us down with false promises of happiness.

As we are setting aside the sin, we are told to focus on the prize that is before us. The One that we are longing for. The One that satisfies above all else. The One for which we were created. The One that offers us bliss and is able to deliver. The One and Only One who can provide what is promised. (Hebrews 12:1-2)

Joseph Campbell continues,“In the Middle Ages, a favorite image that occurs in many, many contexts is the wheel of fortune. There's the hub of the wheel, and there is the revolving rim of the wheel. For example, if you are attached to the rim of the wheel of fortune, you will be either above going down or at the bottom coming up. But if you are at the hub, you are in the same place all the time. That is the sense of the marriage vow—I take you in health or sickness, in wealth or poverty: going up or going down. But I take you as my center, and you are my bliss, not the wealth that you might bring me, not the social prestige, but you. That is following your bliss,” p.147.

Campbell uses marriage as a symbol to explain following your bliss. Paul uses this image as well in 2 Corinthians 11. He desires that his readers be pure in their devotion to Christ. He desires that we be pure, undistracted, undefiled, giving our full attention to Christ.

Simply put, we get easily distracted. We have so many immoral choices that when we overcome those desires and begin to live moral lives, we tend to think that we have arrived. We begin to believe that this life's goal is to sin less. But, this is just a means to an end. Sinlessness is our of our reach. And, sinning less only provides an opportunity for living from the core of our being with complete awareness (consciousness) of our true bliss, the One who has called us, loved us, died for us, and has been resurrected, giving us a confident hope for eternal life.

If we sin less today than yesterday, we must not think that we have arrived at some end. We must continue to journey toward our true bliss with all that we are. In Matthew 22:37-39, Jesus quoting Moses described the path to our true bliss as, "‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’"

There are desires in our hearts other than following Jesus, and these may or may not be leading us toward our true bliss. We can recognize it in others more easily than we can in our own lives.

The boy who bullies other children like his father bullies him. The girl with an unaffectionate father looking for a boyfriend to meet that need. The man who drinks just a beer or two each day to calm his nerves, so that he can keep it together for his family. The recently divorced woman who starts going to the gym, wearing low-cut blouses and high slit skirts.

The desires and needs are real, but they have substituted a lie for the truth and have settled for less than true bliss.

But then there are passions and desires that stem from the core of who we are: a love for art or nature, a need to fix or build something, an eye for beauty or style, a knack for numbers or problem solving, an ease of conversation that allows someone to strike of a conversation. This book and website might help you find what your strengths are.

These are expressions of our true self peaking through.

We can choose to stifle them, ignoring our design, or we can choose to embrace them, to recognize of a bit of our true selves that has been revealed.

Follow your bliss.

For Parents: When asked how parents could help their children follow their bliss, Joseph Campbell answered thoughtfully, “You have to know your child and be attentive to the child.” The best way to do this is through youth centered conversations.

Joseph Campbell quotes are from The Power of Myth by Joseph Campbell and Bill Moyers

Our Family Rules! and Our Family Rules.

"Our Family Rules!" My oldest daughter, Anna, said the other day that she has the best family ever. This is especially encouraging since this has been a tough year and a half for us. In the past 18 months, I secluded myself for an extra few hundred hours (on top of regular work hours) while I was writing my doctoral dissertation, I graduated with my doctorate of ministry degree, I lost my job, our family left the only church any of of us have ever really known, we started a home church and our children changed schools majorly disrupting their social lives. Only a few of those friendships have withstood this upheaval, so they are still in the transition time of building new friendships.

I'm glad that she feels our family has been the rock that it needed to be to offer her the security and confidence to go through this difficult time.

But, that's not what I am writing about today. Today, I want to tell you about our family rules. As in The 10 Commandments of the Zirilli family.

It was suggested that it might help bring some sanity to our home to have some set of basic rules, guidelines for our lives. A reminder to us as parents and to our children what life in the Zirilli home is all about. So I decided that we should have a family meeting to discuss what our family rules should be.

As you might imagine, I was really excited about the awesome potential!

I explained that if we had a set of rules that was constant, it would be easier for everyone to follow the rules and discipline would be more cut and dry. "Sounds great doesn't it!"

Our kids hated the idea and immediately shot it down. Katie, my very practical 14 year old declared, "It will just give us more random stuff to get in trouble for. No thank you."

I was taken aback. I guess I approached that subject all wrong! So, I dropped it and tried to figure out what God was saying and if my enthusiasm was off or my delivery.

Then, I found these pictures online and decided to try again, with a more positive spin.

 

Traditional Porch design by Chicago Interior Designer Your Favorite Room By Cathy Zaeske

Contemporary Living Room design by Los Angeles Interior Designer Jill Wolff Interior Design

"What do you think about doing something like this."

Katie pipes up, "Can we paint on the wall? ... Then, I'm in!"

"But what do you think about the idea?" Not satisfied with their enthusiastic response, I wanted to put a damper on it right away. (Why do I do that?!?)

So now, we just need some time to think it over and keep throwing out ideas and mulling them over. In a couple of months, we will hopefully have our list, our design layout, and then we can paint.

I'll keep you posted on how it goes!

Does anyone else have Family Rules? What do you wish were your family rules? Katie's first suggestion was, "We do whatever we want."

The Importance of Friendships: More on How to Make real Lasting Change

I was 17 years old. I had been clean for 8 months. I hadn’t used in all that time and I was feeling pretty confident about my ability to stay clean. I was feeling stronger than I had since I started using. I was confident that the battle was over and that I would be free from now on. At least I hoped I would be.

Then, it happened, that season of my life when I fell back in with certain friends and found myself hanging out behind the school out in the field where I had started using. To them, it was just a game, but to me it was a battle. I hated what was happening to me.

In the beginning, I still felt pretty strong, like I could handle being around them, they weren’t even my close friends, just people I ran around with. I didn’t think that I would fall back into it. I thought I could handle it.

Then, in a time of difficulty, I was struggling with some emotional stress and I gave in to the pressure. Everyone else was doing it, or so it seemed. I caved. I just used once, and I realized it right away and I stopped and I thought I had it under control. But, soon, it was once or twice a week. Then, it was almost every time I was out there. I had lost complete control.

Whatever our temptations are, hanging out with the wrong crowd or the right crowd can have a huge impact on us. If you struggle with an addiction to alcohol, don’t spend time in a bar. When you struggle with an addiction to gambling, don’t go to Las Vegas. Obviously. 

But, it goes beyond this.

Think about it. There is power in those relationships. There is power in the culture or the movement of people in and through our lives. Who we are with influences how well we follow through with what we want. As it turns out, our will power is affected by those around us.

The last two days, I have written about how to make real and lasting changes in our lives. If we are able to block future temptation and able to strengthen our will power "muscle", we will still struggle to make lasting change unless we change the people we spend time with.

“How blessed is the one who does not follow the advice of the wicked, or stand in the pathway with sinners, or sit in the assembly of scoffers!” Kind David wrote in the first line of the first song recorded in Psalms. So that’s not news, but we still need the reminder. The people we are around inevitably affect what we do.

In that true story from when I was 17, what I was talking about was the tendency I had to use foul language. It started behind our school out on the soccer field. I would get angry at an opponent for some reason or other, my temper would rise and the curses would fly. After soccer season was over in my junior year, I decided to stop cursing all together and did pretty well. I thought I had it under control. But, as soon as my senior season started, I couldn’t resist. I got frustrated, lost my temper and the cursing inevitably followed.

I never used drugs, got addicted to cigarettes or got into drinking, but the patterns are the same.

Even more benign habits are influenced by our environment. If you have the privilege like I do of having a good relationship with your parents and get to go back to the home you grew up in, your experience may be similar to mine.

I walk in the door of my parents' home and three overwhelming urges rise up in me. I am compelled to grab some snacks, put up my feet in the recliner, and watch TV. It is like I am a teenager all over again. I could happily sit there day and night stuffing my face and watching my IQ drop.

These habits can change, of course. And, I have managed to escape my parents' home on numerous occasions without losing a single brain cell.

But, it takes introspection, an awareness of our habits and weaknesses. And, we need to know how the people around us influence us.

Then, we need to make choices. Who will we hang out with? Who will be our closest friends? And what circles will we travel in? Where will we volunteer? With whom will we worship? What organizations will we join?

Each decision will influence who we associate with and those people will influence us.

If you want to lose weight and you spend time with someone who is working hard to get their finances in order. Their practice of self-control will help you with your practice of self-control.

The same is true if you are with someone who wants to quit smoking, eat better or exercise more. Talk about it together, encourage one another and don't give up.

Church can be a great place for developing those relationships. Church is designed to be a place where we surround ourselves with people who desire to love and obey God. If you desire to grow spiritually, God designed church for you to have the encouragement that you need.

Make sure that the people in your church are people that you want to influence you spiritually. 

The key is not to find a church of perfect people. But, find a church of people who like you desire to grow spiritually, are honest about their sins and failings, and are willing to take risks to obey God.

Whether you choose to go to church or not, if you want to grow more self-controlled, surround yourself with people who share your desire.

Monks, Ninjas and Jedi Masters: More on How to Make Real lasting Changes

Like a skill, will power can be learned. But, it is more like a muscle. It must be exercised in order to stay strong and it can get fatigued.

Ever notice that when you have had a stressful day at work, it is likely that you will lose your temper on the drive home or at the kids over dinner. Your will power muscle is strained. You have spent all of your will power at work and have none left for the rest of the day.

Ever notice that when you are tired, hungry, worried, or lonely, that everything is more difficult. Trying to do homework when you feel this way takes twice as long (if you can focus on it at all.)

They did an experiment where people had to trace a geometric pattern without lifting their pencil. It looked simple but was frustrating to no end because there was no possible solution. Maybe it was something like this:

This was an intense test of their will power. How long could they keep trying to solve the puzzle before giving up?

But, to set up the experiment they had to have some people who had used up some of their will power before the test began and some, as a control group, who had not.

The set up: 67 college students were tested one by one. They were asked to skip the meal before coming to the experiment which they were deceptively told was to test their taste perceptions.

Every student entered the room to the aroma of freshly baked cookies. Before them on the table was a bowl of chocolate chip cookies and a bowl of radishes. Half of the students were asked to ignore the radishes and only eat the cookies. This, as you can imagine, took little or no will power.

The other half, however had to exert enormous self-control as they ignored the chocolate chip cookies and only ate the radishes.

After five minutes, the food was removed and they were told that they had to wait fifteen minutes before their palates would be cleansed enough to continue the experiment. “While you are waiting, please work on this little puzzle,” insinuating that the puzzle should be relatively easy. They were handed the impossible puzzle.

Those who had enjoyed the cookies, looked relaxed and peaceful. They spent an average of 27 minutes working on the puzzle before they rang the bell signaling that they had given up.

Those who had used their will power to resist eating the cookies, looked miserable, grumbling and complaining from the very beginning. They worked on the puzzle for an average of only 8 minutes before giving up!

Will power is a muscle. When you use it up it gets tired and you will give up sooner.

But, since will power is a muscle, you can flex it and exercise it and it will get stronger.

Well, I can’t guarantee that we’ll all become monks, ninjas or Jedi masters, but we can all strengthen our will power muscles.

If you use your will power to exercise every day, you will have greater will power when it comes to smoking less, drinking less, doing homework more, and eating better.

If you set budget goals with your money, making detailed logs of every penny spent, using greater will power over your finances, you will have greater will power to exercise more, smoke less, drink less, and watch less TV.

Good habits spill over into other areas of your life. Flex your will power muscle in one area and every area of your life will benefit.

It's a little strange to think about. Force yourself to practice an instrument for an hour every day, and you may lose weight and get out of debt.

So, begin. Where you begin is less important than just making sure that you do.

(Check out The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg for more info about these experiments and in general about how to make lasting change.)

Here is the next blog in the series: http://stillwatersthewatermark.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-importance-of-friendships-more-how.html