What is Best for Me? A Case for Selfishness

When, I think about where to go to dinner, what to wear, or where to go to church; when I think about what college to attend, what job to take, or where to live; when I think about who to love, who to be friends with, or who to do business with, I think about what is best for me or maybe for Us, if others are in the picture.

Obviously, I don’t always know what is best.

And, typically, I almost always think that I do.

On a larger scale, we ask what political party is best for our country, what side of an issue should we raise our voice for, what role should capitalism and socialism play in society, and how should we respond to poverty?

When dealing with national and global issues, we ask a remarkably similar question to the one we ask when choosing what restaurant to eat in. What is best for Us? What is best for the people of our world?

As I’ve studied childhood development and development throughout a person’s life, I find that the question we ask grows in scope as we grow in maturity. The youngest of children are only concerned with themselves, while older children focus on their families and friends. The most enlightened adults among us consider themselves to be world citizens, considering what is best for all people including the unborn, future generations. Some empty themselves of self-interest to the extent that they are able to sacrifice themselves for a greater good.

In essence, we always divide the world into Us and Them. As we mature, the number of Us increases and the number of Them decreases.

Our question remains constant, what is best for Us?

Still obvious - We don’t always know what is best.

Still typical - We often think that we do.

Humility

For many of us, though, we can confess that there are just too many variables for us to believe that we have it all figured out.

Part of being human is: We always want what is best for Us.

Maybe trying to figure out what is best for Us, is the best any of Us can do.

Heroes

That is what we call people who are willing to courageously risk and often sacrifice their own lives in pursuit of the common good. Both the fireman who enters a burning building to rescue a single child and the soldier who dies attempting to the rid the world of terrorism are celebrated as heroes.

When someone is willing to sacrifice what is best for herself as an individual, in order to achieve a higher good, we hold her up as a model for all of Us to follow.

Christ declares that, “No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

You don’t have to be a Christian to know that what Christ is saying rings true. It feels right to all of Us.

The Twist

What if what is best for all of humanity is for each person to know and love God with all their heart, soul, mind and strength? That is another claim of Christ. He implies that that would lead us to loving our neighbor as ourselves. He claims that that is what is best for Us.

That everyone on earth would be included when we say Us and that no one would be left to be called Them.

So, what is best for humanity is not to strive for what is best for humanity, but to strive to love and know God.

1 John 5 teaches us that “the love of God is this, that we obey his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome, for whatever is born of God conquers the world. And this is the victory that conquers the world, our faith.”

Don’t be misled by the word, “conquers”. John is not talking about a hostile takeover. He is talking about conquering the world through love, defeating the “Us vs. Them” paradigm one act of love at a time, like dominoes falling to reveal an intricate pattern of beauty and grace that includes all people of all nations.

And, in this conquering

– by faith and through obedience to God’s commandments which are: first to love God and then to love our neighbors –

we experience what is best for humanity.

The Shift

What if, what is best for Us, as individuals and as all of humanity or all of Creation, is not the beginning or end of the story? What if that is not the most important question?

Here is the shift. What if what is best for humanity is not the primary focus of history, of our world, of our time? What if what is best for humanity is not the primary focus, but what is best for God is the primary focus?

What if that is the end all, the final deciding factor?

What if humanity, history, creation and all of the above are here because that is what is best for God?

What if the main goal of every person’s life is to bring glory to God and enjoy a relationship with Him forever?

What if the main goal of every family is to bring glory to God and enjoy a relationship with Him together forever?

What if the main goal of every tribe and every people group and every nation is to bring glory to God and enjoy Him forever?

What if all of Creation was designed to bring glory to God and reveal His power?

In Exodus 9, through Moses, God tells Pharaoh that He hasn’t destroyed him and his people completely because, “I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.”

Did you hear that? God wanted to reveal his power and make His name known in all the earth.

At that time, He did his revealing through Moses’s obedience and through Pharaoh’s disobedience.

He will do the same in our lives, through our obedience or through our disobedience.

In Our Lives

As human beings, the best we can do is to consider what is best for Us, in ever widening circles, including more of our fellow humans with Us.

God’s desire is to bring glory to Himself, to make His name known throughout the earth, and reveal His power.

Since we are all here because that is what is best for God, then we can determine two things…

First, knowing what we know about the character of God, we can be confident that fulfilling our purpose is equivalent to receiving grace, mercy, compassion and love.

Second, we can accept that following God’s will, doing what is best for God, is actually also best for Us.

We can surrender all of our understanding, performance and passion and submit to the will of God.

Maybe then we will discover for ourselves that we have not only found what is best for God, but what is best for me, for Us, and for all of humanity.

This is the history of our existence. This is the story of humanity. This is the story of the Scriptures. This is what God has revealed to us throughout His word.

All of this is encapsulated in an age old saying, “The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.”

So, our answer to "What is best for me?" is to love and know God. Let's do it.

The Necessity of Fear: How to Fear Productively

I have a friend who is afraid of crowds. So, he tries to avoid them. I am afraid of heights, so I limit my time on our roof. My son may still be afraid of the dark, so he avoids it by using a light.

The Face of Fear - Blurry Fear

That is not what we mean when we say, "Fear God." But, in reality, many people hear that. They fear God by avoiding him.

Some try to avoid him by not going to church. Many try to avoid him by not thinking about Him. Often, people even avoid thinking about other things that remind them of God.

The list of avoided topics varies, but how about these for starters:

Death
Meaning of life
Our true self
Sin
Guilt
Shame
Pain

"I just don't want to think about it."
"I don't want to talk about it."

We avoid them and in turn avoid God because we are afraid of God, afraid of the unknown.

God's desire is to be known. He has revealed Himself through creation and nature. He has revealed Himself to individuals throughout history. He has revealed Himself through the Bible. He has revealed Himself through Jesus Christ. He continues to reveal Himself through his church (when we let Him by being obedient).

He is hard to avoid. Whether we go to the top of a mountain or the bottom of the ocean, there He is. Whether we go where it is pitch dark or find some uncharted island, there He is.

And, we are told to fear this unavoidable God.

What Does it Mean to Fear God?

I heard this explained over breakfast this morning, in a way that made sense.

If we reject God entirely, God promises to reject us. So this should cause fear, but by trying to avoid thinking about God, we tend to not feel that fear until we are face to face with God Himself after death.

If we accept God, God loves and accepts us. So, what is left for us to fear?

His discipline.
His correction.
His regaining of our focus and attention.
His pruning.
His training.

God loves us. He promises not to leave us to die apart from His love and grace. When we get stuck in habitual sin, it is like a fish who has jumped out of the water and is lying on the shore of the ocean unable to breathe. Struggling to survive. He will not leave us there. He promises to rescue us from ourselves, from sin and from death.

He picks us up and throws us back into the ocean of his grace.

Many times it hurts. Our sin can cause irreparable damage to our relationships, to our view of God or of ourselves. If God exposes our sin, it can cause further damage.

Is it because he wants to hurt us?
No.
It is because He is always loving.
The most loving thing He can do in that instance is to rescue us from our sin. If that hurts, then the pain is worth it for the freedom that comes as a result.

Fear God because he has the love to want to rescue us, the power to rescue us, and will rescue us. His discipline and correction will come in order to save us from being separated from his love and grace. Nothing can separate us from His love and grace. Separation is not an option.

Sometimes it comes in the form of physical death. We are eternally freed from our addictions and sin.

Sometimes it comes in the form of physical sickness, disease or injury. Sometimes it comes in the form of broken relationships. Sometimes it comes in the collapse of systems, governments and nations.

He will do whatever it takes to rescue us from sin and death.

Whatever it takes.
Whatever it takes.

Fear God. He loves you enough to do whatever it takes. Fear God and do what He says, obey Him. Avoid sin. Don't avoid God.

"Here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind." - Solomon in the book of Ecclesiastes

Why Christians Must Fear God in Order to Truly Live

I have a friend who is afraid of crowds. So, he tries to avoid them. I am afraid of heights, so I limit my time on our roof. My son may still be afraid of the dark, so he avoids it by using a light.

That is not what we mean when we say, "Fear God." But, in reality, many people hear that. They fear God by avoiding him.

Some try to avoid him by not going to church. Many try to avoid him by not thinking about Him. Often, people even avoid thinking about other things that remind them of God.

The list of avoided topics varies, but how about these for starters:

Death
Meaning of life
Our true self
Sin
Guilt
Shame
Pain

"I just don't want to think about it."
"I don't want to talk about it."

We avoid them and in turn avoid God because we are afraid of God, afraid of the unknown.

God's desire is to be known. He has revealed Himself through creation and nature. He has revealed Himself to individuals throughout history. He has revealed Himself through the Bible. He has revealed Himself through Jesus Christ. He continues to reveal Himself through his church (when we let Him by being obedient).

He is hard to avoid. Whether we go to the top of a mountain or the bottom of the ocean, there He is. Whether we go where it is pitch dark or find some uncharted island, there He is.

And, we are told to fear this unavoidable God.

What Does it Mean to Fear God?

I heard this explained over breakfast this morning, in a way that made sense.

If we reject God entirely, God promises to reject us. So this should cause fear, but by trying to avoid thinking about God, we tend to not feel that fear until we are face to face with God Himself after death.

If we accept God, God loves and accepts us. So, what is left for us to fear?

His discipline.
His correction.
His regaining of our focus and attention.
His pruning.
His training.

God loves us. He promises not to leave us to die apart from His love and grace. When we get stuck in habitual sin, it is like a fish who has jumped out of the water and is lying on the shore of the ocean unable to breathe. Struggling to survive. He will not leave us there. He promises to rescue us from ourselves, from sin and from death.

He picks us up and throws us back into the ocean of his grace.

Many times it hurts. Our sin can cause irreparable damage to our relationships, to our view of God or of ourselves. If God exposes our sin, it can cause further damage.

Is it because he wants to hurt us?
No.
It is because He is always loving.
The most loving thing He can do in that instance is to rescue us from our sin. If that hurts, then the pain is worth it for the freedom that comes as a result.

Fear God because he has the love to want to rescue us, the power to rescue us, and will rescue us. His discipline and correction will come in order to save us from being separated from his love and grace. Nothing can separate us from His love and grace. Separation is not an option.

Sometimes it comes in the form of physical death. We are eternally freed from our addictions and sin.

Sometimes it comes in the form of physical sickness, disease or injury. Sometimes it comes in the form of broken relationships. Sometimes it comes in the collapse of systems, governments and nations.

He will do whatever it takes to rescue us from sin and death.

Whatever it takes.
Whatever it takes.

Fear God. He loves you enough to do whatever it takes. Fear God and do what He says, obey Him. Avoid sin. Don't avoid God.

"Here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind." - Solomon in the book of Ecclesiastes

Time to Judge: a Biblical Perspective on Judging Others

There's a great song by the Byrds, "Turn! Turn! Turn!" based on a great poem in the Bible. Thanks to the Byrds, many people memorized part of the Bible without even knowing it, including me.

"A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep..."

A time to judge isn't mentioned, but maybe it should be.

We are surrounded by a culture that preaches tolerance. We are told not to judge others. We are told not to be prejudice.

The church is often accused of being the most intolerant and judgmental group.

There is a biblical precedent for us to follow. There is a balanced approach. There is hope.

First, I agree that as a people, we need to see ourselves as part of a group that includes not excludes others. The more we can embrace one another as one of "Us" and not push one another away as one of "Them" the more this world will witness the love of God penetrating into our society.

All not some. Impartiality not favoritism.

Though, we all make judgments all the time. It is a necessary social skill. We judge others based on appearance, based on their ability to communicate, based on our relationship to them, based on their position of perceived power.

It is right and good and helpful to judge in some ways. I will not begin to address the plethora of examples that exist when judging others is wrong. I will only address one general principal and then focus on how to judge others when we are given the responsibility to do so. 

A Biblical Perspective on Judging Others

If we see the Bible as a guide to teach us how to model our lives, then judging others is part of our responsibility. Part of our responsibility is to...

Judge others as an expression of God's love.

Let me say that again to let it sink in...

Judge others as an expression of God's love.

Here's the explanation and please let me know what you think in the comments. Let's work through this together.

Matthew 7:1-5- “Do not judge, so that you may not be judged. For with the judgment you make you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get. Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye? Or how can you say to your neighbor, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ while the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor’s eye.

Jesus is pretty clear, "Do not judge so that you may not be judged."

But, then, he seems to suggest that we will all judge. "For with the judgment you make you will be judged."

In other words, He is expecting us to judge others and it is the way we judge others that we need to be concerned about.

"And the measure you give will be the measure you get", so we need to choose a measure that is appropriate for judging.

And, we need to "first take the log out of [our] own eye, and then [we] will see clearly to take the speck out of [our] neighbor’s eye."

So, we need to be humble. We need to examine ourselves and deal with our own sin. Then, still humbled, we can assist our neighbor with the speck of sin that is causing them pain and if left uncared for could cause them disease or loss of sight.

Humbly, out of concern for our neighbor, we can offer to help them by judging them in love.

Romans 2 faces the same question from another angle.

Romans 2:1-6 - Therefore you have no excuse, whoever you are, when you judge others; for in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, are doing the very same things. You say, “We know that God’s judgment on those who do such things is in accordance with truth.” Do you imagine, whoever you are, that when you judge those who do such things and yet do them yourself, you will escape the judgment of God? Or do you despise the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience? Do you not realize that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance? But by your hard and impenitent heart you are storing up wrath for yourself on the day of wrath, when God’s righteous judgment will be revealed. For he will repay according to each one’s deeds.

First, God judges "in accordance with the truth." End of story. He is the only one who knows the whole truth, everything.

We judge based on partial truth at best. At worst, we judge based on gossip and lies and manipulation.

Second, we, too will be judged. Again, this reminds us to be humble and use a measure that we would choose for our own judgment.

Third, we will be judged based on our deeds. We will be judged based on our actions, our words, our lives.

For those of you who are accustomed to the Gospel, salvation through faith by grace, this may seem contradictory. But, it is not. We will be judged based on our deeds and it will be found that

There is no one who is righteous, not even one; 
    there is no one who has understanding,
        there is no one who seeks God. - Romans 3:10-11

We all need grace and mercy. This is the measure that we must use when judging others.

This may lead us to decide: "Forget it! I am just not going to judge anyone ever!"

Judging Is Loving

1 Corinthians specifically addresses when we must judge. If we are to love, then we must judge. To not judge, is to not love.

1 Corinthians 5:9-13 - I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral persons— not at all meaning the immoral of this world, or the greedy and robbers, or idolaters, since you would then need to go out of the world. But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother or sister who is sexually immoral or greedy, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or robber. Do not even eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging those outside? Is it not those who are inside that you are to judge? God will judge those outside. “Drive out the wicked person from among you.”

We are not to avoid immoral people, in order to do so, we would have to "go out of the world." That would preclude us from bringing God's love to the world.

We are to avoid spending time with immoral people who "[bear] the name brother or sister", who claim to be followers of Christ.

We are not to judge "those outside".

We are only to judge those "inside". We are to "drive out the wicked person from among [us]."

This is key. We are not to judge the world, it's actions, it's laws, it's immorality, it's sin, it's customs, it's traditions, it's anything. We are not to judge.

What good would it do anyway?

If someone does not know Christ and is not thinking about Christ, why would he or she care what God thinks about their actions.

Ask them. They don't care.

The opportunity we have is to show them the love of Christ through our words and actions. We are to be Christ's ambassadors, to bring light to the darkness, be salt of the earth, fishers of men and women. Whatever picture works for you. That is our responsibility and privilege.

We are not to judge those in the world. We are to love them.

Now, about those who call themselves brother or sister.

We must judge them. Why?

God's judgment is always for the same purpose. Look back at Romans 2:4 - "Do you despise the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience? Do you not realize that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?"

God's judgment and his kindness and his wrath and everything else that God does "is meant to lead [us] to repentance." When we judge others without love, without grace, without mercy, we are demonstrating that we despise his kindness.

We despise his kindness to us, forgetting how He has forgiven our sin.

We despise his kindness to others, forgetting that God's judgment is designed to lead them to repentance.

Matthew 18 concludes that if we attempt to address sin in the life of someone we love and are rejected, and then we bring a couple of elders and are rejected again, and then make the situation public to the whole church and still are rejected, then we are to treat the person as if they were an unbeliever.

In other words, if we humble ourselves, judge someone else in love, hoping to lead them to repentance for their benefit, and we do everything that the love of Christ compels us to do and they choose not to repent --- then we treat them as if they are not a brother or sister, not part of the church.

We treat them like they are of the world.

Which does not mean that we continue to judge them and condemn them and gossip about them.

It means that we no longer judge them. We stop judging them because we are not to judge those of this world.

It means that we love them with the love of Christ. It means that we go out of our way to show them God's love and kindness in hopes that it will lead them to repentance.

Judge others as an expression of God's love.

Judging others this way is obviously difficult and takes much love and time and commitment. It can only be done in relationship. Take heart. It can be done.

By the grace of God, it can be done.
Because this is the will of God, it can be done.

"There is a time to judge and time to withhold judgment."

The Future of the Church (and Volleyball)

Volleyball is the most amazing sport I have ever played. The better I got at it, the higher the level of play I was in, the more I loved it. It never lost its shine, as they say.

In the beginning, volleyball is about getting the ball over the net. Picture the 3 or 4 year old standing by the net trying to toss the ball over. Success!

My son, Ethan, at 10 years old, could finally serve the ball from behind the line and get it over the net. Success!

My first coaching gig at a small school, I taught girls who had never played the game. Ouch! Then, finally the ball would go over the net. Success!

In the beginning, volleyball is a lot like ping pong. The ball bounces all over the place until someone hopefully pushes it over the net (before the third hit).

After playing for awhile, something strange happens. The goal is no longer to simply hit the ball over the net. You are trained not to return the ball, at least, not until the third hit.

Bump, Set, Spike.


The better you are at volleyball, the more you rely on your team.
The more important who your teammates are.
The more important communication is.
The more important trust is.

It sounds a lot like church to me.

There are plenty of buildings that are called churches. There are plenty of groups of people that call themselves members of a church.

Some of them are focused on putting the ball over the net. They haven't learned to care for their teammates, to communicate and trust.

But, some places are different.

Church was designed by God to be a place for the love of God to be see-able, touch-able, taste-able.

"By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

Like volleyball, the better you get at it, the more you will love it and value it. It will never lose its shine. Never.

Home church for us has been that kind of church. There is love.

Here's 3 ways you can tell you are part of a church:

1 - No Place to Hide

My 14 year old, Katie, said yesterday that she likes our home church, "You don't have to be perfect. You can just be yourself."

When you know everyone in church, there is no place to hide. When everyone in church fits in a home, life is intimate and shared. Everything is visible. You can either run away or be seen. You can't stay in the church without being known.

Being known, being loved, being accepted for who you are. Welcome to church.

Sin, too, is easy to see. So, we learn quickly not to try to hide it, but to confess it and look for support and guidance and grace. Confronting sin is a natural part of our own introspection and relationships with one another.

2 - Everything is Shared

It is easy to rejoice with those who rejoice and grieve with those who grieve because you know every single person from the infant to the eldest. The infant's first words or first steps to the oldest person learning a new hobby are celebrated together. Love lost and hope dashed are mourned together.

In church, you are not forgotten. Your pain is everyone's pain. Your victory is everyone's victory. Everything is shared.

Giving and generosity flow from the growing relationships. When one person or family has a need, the whole church feels it. And, the giving flows outside the church, too. As you feel God's love and see how he provides for you through the church, there is less anxiety about providing for yourself and hording what you have. You are free to give to any one as they have need.

The church frees you to love and share and give.

3 - Equality Among Members

All members are valuable. Not for what they have to offer the church, but for who they are as people created in God's image.

There is no place for politics in the church, no place for personal agendas, no place for power plays, no place for divisiveness or gossip. There are no winners or losers. No competition.

All people in the church are there because they choose to be and want to be a part of the church. Jesus lifted up the littlest child and told the adults to learn from her, to have faith like her. Paul told a young man, Timothy, to set an example for others in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. Those who are older are asked to train those who are younger.

Everyone in the church is a gift to the church and can only fully blossom if they are fully engaged in and fully embraced by the church.

Relationships are the Key

The key to it all is our relationships with one another. It comes back to volleyball. The members of our church are important, communication is important and trust is important.

If you don't like the people in your church, can't communicate with them or don't trust them, then you are not part of a church. But you can be. God wants you to be.

Keep looking. Don't give up.

This is the only future for the church. The only way that will make the church relevant for this generation. There is no other plan. Be the church.

Lost Your Faith? It's Time to Rebuild, Part 2 - Building on the Foundation

Our home has a pretty open floor plan. We like having less walls and more room to run and play, laugh and dance. We throw balls and climb walls. When the kids were smaller we had a basketball hoop tied to a pillar in our living room. Check it out in the background of this cute picture of Rachel and Ryan.

We designed our home to be practical, usable, a place to have fun.

In fact, we were able to design our home on the computer before it was built. In the original plans, we wanted to have an open kitchen, dining room and living room on the first floor with only one closed room with doors that could serve as a bedroom for an elderly grandparent or parent if it was ever needed.

When the architect looked at our floor plan, he quickly saw the problem. We had no support for the second floor. Unfortunately, if we didn’t put in posts for support, we would have soon had a one story house. It would have collapsed under its own weight.

So, we compromised.

That’s what we do, isn’t it. We have plans and dreams and hopes and desires. Then, we face reality and we make choices. Some things are worth the extra money, extra time, or extra work to have them just so, and other things aren’t. They just aren’t that important.

Some walls in our house are weight bearing walls; others are simply for design purposes. Together they make up the structure of our house.

Confuse the two when we are doing remodeling and there can be big problems.

The same can be said for our houses of faith. Assuming that we are building on a solid foundation, (To see Part 1 of this series to learn more about a solid foundation, click here) we need supporting walls. These are important truths that aren’t foundational.

In fact, a solid foundation is so singular, so precise, there is no room for most of our beliefs. Besides the foundational belief, everything else falls in one of two categories. beliefs are either structural or décor.

The Structure

What are these structural beliefs? Here are a few examples of what might be structural to you.

(For some, these concepts might not have an impact on your faith and so for you they wouldn't be structural but rather part of the décor. For others, some of these beliefs may take priority over others. Those that take priority would be weight bearing walls.)

Is the Bible inspired by God? Is it true? Does it contain errors and misrepresentations of God, people, the earth, etc.? And to what extent?

Was the world created in 7 literal days? Was it created over millions of years? Was there a literal Adam and Eve or are they representations or symbols?

Was Christ truly born of a virgin? Did he know that he was the Son of God all His life or did he learn that as he grew up? What was the significance of his baptism by John?

What is our responsibility to the poor, to the outcast, to prisoners, to modern day slaves, to the mentally ill, to the physically disabled, to any who are oppressed?

What is our responsibility to the world, to our countries, to our people, to our culture? Are we to evangelize with words or deeds or both? As citizens, what is our responsibility? Are we to vote if we are able?

Will there be a rapture? Is the anti-Christ really coming? Will there be a thousand years when Christ will reign on this earth? Or are these symbolic ways to understand the end times?

Our perspectives about communion, baptism, the church, the differences between men and women, etc. are all structural beliefs. Some are more important than others based on our perspective.

These are our structural beliefs and though they change over time, they give shape to our faith. Some years, we focus on activism. Others we lean inward for spiritual renewal and growth. Some years we focus on grief and healing. Others we lean toward celebration.

Like my physical house, my house of faith has an open floor plan. I have some main pillars for support, but lots of open spaces for conversation and interaction. If we can agree on our foundation, I am not closed off to too many ideas. I love discussing beliefs with others who have well-thought out floor plans of faith.

What your house of faith looks like, depends largely on how you answer this question: What beliefs are important to me? What beliefs, if they changed, would change how I perceive God, myself, and the world around me?

My advice to you is to build slowly, methodically. Hold everything lightly with open hands. Begin forming your opinions but keep an open mind. And never be afraid to tear down one of these beliefs and start over. But, do so deliberately, lovingly. We want our homes and our house of faith to be inviting and welcoming. We want them to be a safe place for us and for others.

If we have too many firm, unshakable beliefs, we might feel more secure, safer. We might feel like we are defending the true faith. But, what happens is we build lots of walls in our home. Our rooms become cramped and uncomfortable. Others don't feel welcome. And our faith house becomes a cold and uninviting place.

Build your house of faith with love and grace.

The Décor

The décor is what makes us feel at home. If you live in a house, think what it would be like if you removed all of your stuff and went to live somewhere else. Then, someone buys the house and moves in all of their stuff.

Is it the same house? Yes, of course.

But, is it your home? No, not really.

The furniture is different.
The paintings are different.
The feel is different.
The smell is different.
It just isn’t home.
That is what I mean by décor.

Décor is what makes your faith your own. If you and I took a multiple choice test on what we believe, we may check the same boxes off. But, our faith is still different.

Faith is mysterious that way. It can be shared in the sense that we can journey together with others, grow together, enjoy their company, but we never have the same faith. Our faith is unique, personal.

My house of faith is fit for me, right now. But over the years it has looked quite different. My tastes have changed. I like to spend more time alone than I did 20 years ago. Where I used to wear vibrant colors, I now enjoy more earth tones. As I have changed, my décor has changed.

But, the house, the house has remained pretty much the same since seminary.

I used to judge others based on my house of faith. I would assume that if others disagreed with me, it was because they were wrong and I was right. I didn't realize that their faith could be right for them though it was wrong for me.

It sounds so much like relativism as I type it. But, it is something much more. It is the infinite ability of a loving God to meet each of us where we are and not just leave us there, but to guide and lead and love us toward Himself.

Every person’s faith is unique. Each person’s relationship with Christ develops differently over time based on things that we cannot quantify or calculate.

Every house of faith is unique, specific to the person who lives there.

The Belief Test: Which Belief Is Which

If you aren't sure whether a belief is foundational, structural or décor, take this simple test:

Is it worth dying for? Is it worth living for?
Is it important? Does it add to my understanding of God, faith, and life?
Is it something that makes me feel comfortable and feels fresh and new?

My foundation is worth dying for.

Almost all of the apostles and many Christians to this day, have been martyred for their faith because they would not deny their foundation. Some report that more have been killed in the past century than at any other time in history. By one estimate, the year 2000 was the peak at 160,000 martyred for their faith in Christ. (The report acknowledges that the faith of individuals cannot be determined with certainty, so they calculate how many were killed because they were believed to be Christians.)

My foundation is also worth living for. I can spend the rest of my life in the service of Christ, sharing the good news of eternal life, the Gospel and I won't regret it. I won't.

But, my structure… not so much.

I wouldn’t choose to die to defend the right to have an abortion or a law making it illegal to have one. I wouldn’t die for Creation vs. the Big Bang, the virginal conception of Christ, a method of baptism, or details about communion.

My structural beliefs are real and important because they help me to make sense of my life and my faith. But, they are not worth living or dying for.

My décor? I hate even wasting breath on those. I could argue for or against them. Based on the time of day or what I had for dinner last night, I could argue either side depending on who wanted to argue with me. It just isn’t worth it. They make me feel comfortable. They bring a smile to my face. They are not important.

Throughout History

Denominations split over structural beliefs. Churches divide over décor. Individuals leave churches over décor. Rarely do we ever find ourselves arguing over foundational truths.

What Now?

Check your foundation. Do you have a relationship with Christ? (To see Part 1 of this series to learn more about a solid foundation, click here).

The fastest and simplest way to build your structural beliefs is to read the Bible and pray. Study the Bible. As you read, listen to the Holy Spirit guiding you. What resonates with your soul? What makes you feel alive and refreshes your soul?

When you lose your faith, it is normal to give up or feel lost and confused. Be patient with yourself. Rebuild your faith slowly and deliberately. Find some friends and let them be your church, your fellow journeyers in the faith.

There will be some rough times ahead. Be gracious to yourself and others. Your new house of faith might look quite different than what used to be acceptable to your old friends.

Give them time to adjust as you grow and change.

Don't build your walls to shut people out. Build them to welcome people and invite them in. As your house of faith takes shape you will be more and more comfortable with it. But, don't wait until its finished before you have guests.

May God bless you as you build. He is faithful and will guide you.

Lost Your Faith? It's Time to Rebuild - Part 1 - The Foundation

If you are able to read this, then my confident belief is that you have faith. I agree with James Fowler and many other experts in the field of faith development…

"I believe faith is a human universal." (from Stages of Faith)

If it is true that we all have faith, then I believe that it is also true that all of us have had or will have serious doubts about our faith.

When we realize that we have put our faith in the wrong things or the wrong people, we come to a crisis of faith. We have to choose what to keep and what to throw away. And, sometimes, we have to start all over from scratch.

Do you feel like you've lost your faith?

Do you wonder what is true, what is real?

Do you want to start over, but don't know how?

This is a guide to rebuilding your faith, when you realize that you have based your life on a faith that is a lie. When you realize that you no longer have faith in the things you used to believe.

Re-Building a House of Faith

When I talk about faith, I like to use the illustration of a house. A house has a foundation, structure, and décor.

If you build a new foundation, it is because you want to build a new house. So, it is important to make sure the foundation is solid before you start building. That way the house will last a lifetime.

In house building, you usually start with the blueprints, the layout of the house that you want and then you build a foundation to fit under and support it

Not so with a house of faith.

A house of faith can only be built once you have chosen a foundation. This is the first level of your faith. It is where you must begin. Your first choice.

If you feel like you have lost your faith, you may recognize something from this list that you had put your faith in.

Myself - Talent, Intellect, Charisma
Religion - Superstition, Idolatry, Rituals, Tradition
My Feelings - Love, Revenge
Others’ Expectations - Parents, Teachers, Friends, My Own
Financial Security - Work, Wealth, Inheritance, the Lottery
Logic - Science, Reason, Education, Training
Personal Righteousness - Purity, Perfectionism, Comparison to Others
Heritage - Ancestry, Family Name
Political Power - Manipulating Others for Personal Gain
Strength - Physical Power, Emotional Distance
Fame

Did you find something there that you had trusted? Something that proved to be false and untrustworthy?
We tend to trust what seems to work. We trust our senses, our education, our parents or our tradition. We trust ourselves and whatever gives us the illusion of being in control.

Whether we feel that we have these things or just are working toward them, we can easily be deceived and think that these things are worthy of our trust. So, we put our faith in them.

We all have a tendency to put our faith in the wrong things. When we do, we wind up having a weak foundation for our house of faith. When the storms of life come, our houses can easily crumble.

I am a Christian, so I truly believe that the only solid foundation is the Gospel message, a relationship with Christ. I believe that any other foundation, at best, is incomplete and at worst is a complete lie.

If you disagree, please bear with me. Look at that list above. People have put their faith in everyone of those things. Each one is dependent on people. People fail. We fail. I fail. You fail. Putting our complete trust in a person, even ourselves, can't work.

If we build our lives on trusting a person, our faith will be broken and we will have to rebuild... again. And, if you are thinking about rebuilding now or have had to in the past, you know how painful it is, how confusing it is and how the sooner we can start building on the right foundation, the better.

A foundation built on a lie is like building on sand. The house can be perfectly formed with beautiful architecture and magnificently decorated. But, the first sign of a major storm, of waves or a strong wind and the whole house crumbles. Without a firm foundation, the house has no anchor, no strength.

But, a foundation built on the truth of Christ is like building on solid rock that cannot be shaken. Storms, waves, wind cannot destroy what has been built.

The Solid Foundation

Our only hope for a solid foundation is a relationship with Christ. This is based on the immeasurable, matchless love that God has for us all and His infinite grace.

When we surrender our need to control and figure out and manipulate and twist and turn,

When we see that all that we do to make a sure foundation is faulty and twisted by our own sinfulness,

When we admit that we are too weak to even try to build a new foundation, we are starting to get close.

We realize that we are overwhelmingly broken and hurting and in need and we cry out to God and say, I can't rebuild. I have lost faith. I have lost hope.

I can't go on.
 I can't try again.
  I can't even begin.
   I just can't.

Then, we are ever so close. It is here that God meets us. It is here that God who has loved us each moment of our lives pours out His love and grace and offers us His son, Jesus Christ.

Jesus, who was sinless Himself, laid down His life. Though many cried out, "Crucify him!" and others nailed him to the cross, no one took his life from him.

He laid it down.

He gave his life freely, because of his love and the love of His Father. He chose death, so that we could have life.

He laid down his life and then he picked it back up. He died to pay the penalty for our sins and then he rose again so that we too might one day rise again to have life, to be forever with the Father.

This is the foundation. Receiving the gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ.

This gift is the only solid foundation. It is a gift, freely given and must be received to be enjoyed.

Any other foundation is built on us, our efforts, our abilities, our strength.
Every other foundation will fail because we fail. We sin.
Christ and his love never fail. His grace is enough.

This is the foundation that we all can depend on.

If you want this foundation but need more help in receiving it, it is spoken about throughout the Bible. Read the book of Romans and ask God to reveal to you the truth of the Gospel. He is faithful and will gladly receive you, forgive you and give you eternal life.

Romans 3:23 - For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

Romans 6:23 - For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 10-8-13 - “The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart” (that is, the word of faith that we proclaim); because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved. For the Scripture says, “Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.” For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; for the same Lord is Lord of all, bestowing his riches on all who call on him. For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

There is no magic prayer to pray or special ceremony. But, if you choose to rebuild your house of faith on the foundation of a relationship with Christ. A prayer like this might be helpful to you:

"God, I have tried. I have tried to trust and to believe, but my house of faith is not strong. It is weak because I have sinned. I believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross to pay the penalty for my sins. I believe. I believe that He died to give me the gift of eternal life. So, I choose to put my trust in him and to receive that gift. I trust you to help me build a house of faith that is true and real and will last for my entire life. I trust you. In Jesus, my Savior's name, I pray, Amen."

(Please leave a comment or contact me if you want more help in understanding this good news. It has transformed my life, and it can yours as well.)

Part 2 of this blog talks about the structure and decor of your house of faith. Click here.

Message Received: Thank You Brennan Manning for a Grace Well Lived

Brennan Manning died Friday morning on April 12, 2013. He revolutionized my view of grace. He unabashedly revealed his sins without glorifying them in the least. He talked openly about his weakness and failures. 

He wrote about sinful actions. He was an alcoholic. But, he also wrote about his sinfulness as a person. His lying and deception, his character flaws. he didn't portray himself as a good guy who messed up a little or even a lot.

He portrayed himself as a sinner through and through. It rocked my world and helped me to face my own sinfulness.

But, he didn't wallow in it or let us, his readers, wallow. He persistently pointed us to Christ to receive grace and forgiveness. He led us there with child-like honesty and vulnerability.

He showed us the power of grace to transform our lives and invited us to join him in a new way of living. (Here is my story of receiving that grace in a previous blog.)

Church can sometimes be a place where grace is mentioned but not lived.

I did my dissertation on the spiritual development of children raised in church culture. One of the young ladies I interviewed talked about her initial rejection of and eventual acceptance and appreciation of Brennan Manning's Ragamuffin Gospel. Here is some of my interview with her:

"I read [Ragamuffin Gospel] and this is literally what I said at the end, “This book is a joke, this isn’t true.  You shouldn’t be allowed to mess up like this and then be able to write about it and make other people think it’s okay.”

That was my impression of that book and I couldn’t understand what anybody saw in it.  I thought it was absolutely wrong and that nobody…you shouldn’t promote things like that.

And then, I got pregnant and when I got pregnant before I was married, all of a sudden I got that Ragamuffin Gospel and now I get it because it’s not about, it’s not about perfect people and what he said in that book, the Gospel is not for perfect people.  It is for alcoholics, it is for drug addicts and it is for people who have premarital sex and all these other things.

That is what Jesus came for, and yet I grew up in a home where it was – it’s not that you earned your salvation, but it was just that constant, you have to be perfect and you don’t accept people…

“Well she did (this and that) so we’re not friends with them anymore.”

“We don’t talk to them, they do this.”

I wish I had grown up with the acceptance of people who had flaws, as opposed to this rejection of people who had any sort of flaws."

Interviewer - Do you feel like you actually adopted that belief [of judging people and expecting perfection] based on your response to the Ragamuffin Gospel.

"Absolutely, ...[my husband] and I went to marital counseling a year and a half ago, ... and I was so set for this man to sit and tell [my husband] everything that was wrong with his family, cause there were glaring issues, and he actually got me to realize that I had adopted exactly what my parents did to me, which was reject everybody if there’s something. If somebody has an issue, you reject that person, and just that perfection and that lack of love.

And it actually started a year long journey, which is very difficult when you have children.  I’m just sort of finding for me what love actually is. Whoa, forget it, children and marriage.  It’s just sort of, it’s huge and it was an absolute break in the way that I have viewed the world for, up to that point, 30 years.

It was a massive change of a world view and absolutely I had adopted that, probably unknowingly, because what’s the [hardest mask to realize you are wearing] “You’re doing what’s right.”  So why would I ever doubt what I was doing was wrong because I was doing what was right. 

So you’re trying to do what’s right…. “Of course I have my flaws but it was always within reason.  You know, it wasn’t a really bad flaw, it was just a minor flaw and not as bad as that person over there.”  That type of situation.  So yeah, yeah, I definitely did.  I adopted [their judgmentalism and rejection of anyone who wasn’t perfect]."

Brennan Manning was a great guy, don't get me wrong. But, he didn't transform this young woman's life.

The grace of God transformed her life.

And, Brenning Manning's willingness to share his story of receiving that grace was a window that she could look through. And when she looked through that window, she rejected Brennan, but when she saw her own reflection in that window, her life was changed.

Rather than choosing to reject herself and run from God for fear of more rejection, she opened herself to receive His love and forgiveness, to embrace the Gospel of grace.