The "Routine" Procedure

The "Routine" Procedure

My 12 year old son had to go through a “routine” medical procedure a few months ago. I did okay getting him to the hospital. I did okay in the waiting room as we each read our books and watched old time Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck cartoons. I was feeling unsettled, but I could block that out with the tales about Coach Wooden and his dad. Then, we were called in and Ethan was given one of those hospital gowns. We told him which side was the front and how the breezy side was the back. And, that unsettled feeling I had been trying to ignore was rushing to the forefront. I hated this.

I wanted to be anywhere in the world but here. But, I had a choice. I could be somewhere else. But, I wanted to be here, here with my son to bring him comfort and peace and hope and confidence. So, there I sat or stood or paced and prayed and trusted and prayed and doubted and prayed and hoped. And this was a “routine” procedure. I cannot imagine living in a world where this was routine.

The anesthesiologist asked him if he wanted gas to relax him before she put the IV in to help rehydrate him. He shook his pale smiling head and said that he just couldn’t watch the needle go in, after that he’d be fine. She kept talking to him about how brave he was. He was brave. I wasn’t feeling brave.

I walked alongside him into the procedure room, praying and holding his hand until they put the tube in his mouth and started the real IV that knocked him out.

He was in the room for less than an hour when the doctor told us that everything was fine, maybe a little area of concern, but we could treat that with medicine if need be. They would let us know when the results came back from the tests they took.

Then, we sat watching him as he slept. And, I couldn’t help but feel completely helpless. The only thing I wanted in that moment was for my son to be okay, to wake up and be okay. The machines were all hooked up and every indication that modern medicine could offer told me he was okay and was going to be okay. But, my whole life was upside down.

I hated seeing him like that. I hated that helpless feeling, knowing that there was nothing I could do to fix this and make everything okay again. I could not protect him from this, and I could not speed his recovery. I could only wait and hope.

Even with the full confidence of science and medicine, my heart ached and my body followed. I felt like throwing up.

I bet most parents have felt that way about their children at one point or another. Hopeless and helpless. Even most of those without children can relate to seeing a loved one suffer, a parent, a sibling, or a friend.

Comparisons

If you compare your situation to mine, you might think I was overreacting.

I recently met a couple who lost their young son to cancer after a prolonged battle. I am sure they experienced every emotion and fear and doubt that I experienced in those few hours, but with greater intensity and prolonged over years instead of minutes. There was even a time when they thought he had won the fight and was in remission.

A woman from our church found out about her son’s death after he crashed his car on the way to the prom. I’m sure she experienced the same feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.

Surely my situation doesn’t compare to theirs.

That is the thing. They don’t compare. My pain doesn’t compare with your pain. My life doesn’t compare to your life. My faith doesn’t compare to your faith. We are all gifted by God with different hopes, different dreams, different courage and different faith. Because we all face different suffering, different heartache, different pain, and different loss. There is no way to compare ourselves with one other. There is no objective standard, no measuring rod.

And, besides, if there was a measuring rod, we would all fall into the deception of thinking that our lives are worse than somebody else’s, that life is unfair, or that we are better than someone else because of how we have lived our lives compared to them. And, I think we all know how destructive that is. It leads to bigotry, hatred, condescension, insults, arrogance, and that awful feeling that we are all alone, isolated from everyone around us.

That leads to the death of compassion. We close our hearts to others because we feel that they have closed their hearts to us.

And, that is where our suffering and pain is meant to lead us. When we compare ourselves to one another it separates us, divides us into those that are like us and those that are not.

Us vs. Them.

Compassion

But, compassion draws us toward one another. When we see someone else in pain and are drawn by God to feel, to have empathy, we experience oneness and unity. We feel compassion for them and love for them. We feel what God feels when he sees our suffering.

As Mother's Day came and went, I could not help but ache for those who have lost children.

It is obvious that our new friends have experienced peace and grace and hope throughout the torture of walking with their son through cancer and grieving his death. It is clear that the struggle for life and the defeat of death was not the whole story. They spoke about their son with smiles and love and hope. Together we laughed and played and spoke of Christ's love. They have a peace and confidence that doesn’t make sense.

They have a peace and confidence that medical and scientific progress couldn’t give me as I looked into the colorless face and lifeless expression of my son lying on that hospital bed.

Strange.

Their peace brings me peace. Just like their struggle can’t be compared to my struggle. Their peace can’t be compared to my peace.

But, I can draw strength and hope from it. I can and I am.

They have gone through hell manifesting itself on earth. They have experienced the result of sin on this earth fulfilling its goal, leading to death.

They have also experienced heaven on earth. A oneness with God, a peace, a love that they attribute to Christ.

This reminds me of a verse from the Bible that I have memorized over the years.

Christ was using an illustration about branches needing to remain connected to the vine in order to have life when he said, “apart from me you can do nothing.”

When I live apart from Christ and apart from the people he gave me to love, I die. If you have ever felt so depressed that you didn’t think you could get up out of bed, you didn’t think you could take another step, you didn’t care whether you lived or died, you couldn’t eat and all you wanted to do was sleep, then you have experienced this verse to some extent. “Apart from [Christ] you can do nothing.”

If you have suffered through addiction and felt powerless to break from the chains that you feel, then you too have experienced the truth of this verse, "apart from [Christ] you can do nothing."

If you have ever faced a life controlled and confined by fear, anxiety and worry. If you have ever said, "No, I just can't do that," because you were afraid you might have a panic attack. If you have ever not done when you knew in your heart was the right, good and best thing to do because you were terrified what might happen. Then, you have experienced the reality of the verse, "apart from [Christ] you can do nothing."

The flip side of that verse is one that many of us teach even to our youngest children. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

If apart from Christ we can’t even go to work or stop from taking a smoke or walk into a crowded mall, it makes sense that whatever Christ gives us the strength to do, we can do.

Like I said, I wanted to be anywhere in the world except there with my wife watching my son go through that. But, Christ gave me the strength to do what I wanted to do even more, be there for him. As Rachel and I sat by his bed, Christ gave us strength and peace and hope and courage. Christ gave us love that overcame our fear. My heart said to run and hide and try to numb the pain I felt. But, Christ’s love gave me the courage to sit and wait and pray and hope.

I guess that is always our choice. Face the fear and the pain and the suffering of life with love or not. We can always choose to run and hide and numb the pain or stand and fight in our own strength of mind and will and body.

But, in the end, the only choice we have is whether or not to remain in Christ. “Apart from me you can do nothing.” OR “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”

Live in strength. Live in Christ.

Live in peace. Live in Christ.

Live in love. Live in Christ.

Choose life. Choose Christ.

Then, we will have compassion and empathy for those around us. Then, we will be a bright light offering hope and a way to those around us.

Thank you Jesus for being our light, our way, our hope, our peace and our strength.

Dying Eyes: Lessons from a Death Bed

Looking into the eyes of someone who is dying changes a person.

Last week, I visited a woman that I have known for years and love. I asked her if she was afraid to die. "No, not really... Is that weird? I feel like I have done everything I needed to do. I have two great kids. I had a husband who loved me. What else is there to do?"

She seemed a little worried. "Do you think that's normal? Do you think it's the drugs?" She is on a morphine drip to help with the pain.

I tried to reassure her. I told her about my grandmother who passed away a decade ago now. I still remember visiting her in the hospital after a heart attack scare. And, I was worried about her. I asked her if she was ready to die. (Mind you, this was a couple of years before she actually did.) I'll never forget her words.

"Oh, yeah. I don't want to die. But, I am ready. I enjoy each day I have. But, I am ready. I have this peace about it."

And, I could see it on her face. She wasn't scared. She was prepared.

I saw that same peace in this woman's eyes.

My grandma and this woman are comfortable with who they are. They know that God loves them, Jesus died for them, and that they had lived their lives giving and receiving love.

There was no hiding or pretending, no need for superficiality. Their life had been lived and there was no need for lies. The truth was enough. They were dying and the best they could hope for was to enjoy each moment they had left. And, then, trust God with the rest.

I guess we could all learn to do that.

The Necessity of Fear: How to Fear Productively

I have a friend who is afraid of crowds. So, he tries to avoid them. I am afraid of heights, so I limit my time on our roof. My son may still be afraid of the dark, so he avoids it by using a light.

The Face of Fear - Blurry Fear

That is not what we mean when we say, "Fear God." But, in reality, many people hear that. They fear God by avoiding him.

Some try to avoid him by not going to church. Many try to avoid him by not thinking about Him. Often, people even avoid thinking about other things that remind them of God.

The list of avoided topics varies, but how about these for starters:

Death
Meaning of life
Our true self
Sin
Guilt
Shame
Pain

"I just don't want to think about it."
"I don't want to talk about it."

We avoid them and in turn avoid God because we are afraid of God, afraid of the unknown.

God's desire is to be known. He has revealed Himself through creation and nature. He has revealed Himself to individuals throughout history. He has revealed Himself through the Bible. He has revealed Himself through Jesus Christ. He continues to reveal Himself through his church (when we let Him by being obedient).

He is hard to avoid. Whether we go to the top of a mountain or the bottom of the ocean, there He is. Whether we go where it is pitch dark or find some uncharted island, there He is.

And, we are told to fear this unavoidable God.

What Does it Mean to Fear God?

I heard this explained over breakfast this morning, in a way that made sense.

If we reject God entirely, God promises to reject us. So this should cause fear, but by trying to avoid thinking about God, we tend to not feel that fear until we are face to face with God Himself after death.

If we accept God, God loves and accepts us. So, what is left for us to fear?

His discipline.
His correction.
His regaining of our focus and attention.
His pruning.
His training.

God loves us. He promises not to leave us to die apart from His love and grace. When we get stuck in habitual sin, it is like a fish who has jumped out of the water and is lying on the shore of the ocean unable to breathe. Struggling to survive. He will not leave us there. He promises to rescue us from ourselves, from sin and from death.

He picks us up and throws us back into the ocean of his grace.

Many times it hurts. Our sin can cause irreparable damage to our relationships, to our view of God or of ourselves. If God exposes our sin, it can cause further damage.

Is it because he wants to hurt us?
No.
It is because He is always loving.
The most loving thing He can do in that instance is to rescue us from our sin. If that hurts, then the pain is worth it for the freedom that comes as a result.

Fear God because he has the love to want to rescue us, the power to rescue us, and will rescue us. His discipline and correction will come in order to save us from being separated from his love and grace. Nothing can separate us from His love and grace. Separation is not an option.

Sometimes it comes in the form of physical death. We are eternally freed from our addictions and sin.

Sometimes it comes in the form of physical sickness, disease or injury. Sometimes it comes in the form of broken relationships. Sometimes it comes in the collapse of systems, governments and nations.

He will do whatever it takes to rescue us from sin and death.

Whatever it takes.
Whatever it takes.

Fear God. He loves you enough to do whatever it takes. Fear God and do what He says, obey Him. Avoid sin. Don't avoid God.

"Here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind." - Solomon in the book of Ecclesiastes

Why Christians Must Fear God in Order to Truly Live

I have a friend who is afraid of crowds. So, he tries to avoid them. I am afraid of heights, so I limit my time on our roof. My son may still be afraid of the dark, so he avoids it by using a light.

That is not what we mean when we say, "Fear God." But, in reality, many people hear that. They fear God by avoiding him.

Some try to avoid him by not going to church. Many try to avoid him by not thinking about Him. Often, people even avoid thinking about other things that remind them of God.

The list of avoided topics varies, but how about these for starters:

Death
Meaning of life
Our true self
Sin
Guilt
Shame
Pain

"I just don't want to think about it."
"I don't want to talk about it."

We avoid them and in turn avoid God because we are afraid of God, afraid of the unknown.

God's desire is to be known. He has revealed Himself through creation and nature. He has revealed Himself to individuals throughout history. He has revealed Himself through the Bible. He has revealed Himself through Jesus Christ. He continues to reveal Himself through his church (when we let Him by being obedient).

He is hard to avoid. Whether we go to the top of a mountain or the bottom of the ocean, there He is. Whether we go where it is pitch dark or find some uncharted island, there He is.

And, we are told to fear this unavoidable God.

What Does it Mean to Fear God?

I heard this explained over breakfast this morning, in a way that made sense.

If we reject God entirely, God promises to reject us. So this should cause fear, but by trying to avoid thinking about God, we tend to not feel that fear until we are face to face with God Himself after death.

If we accept God, God loves and accepts us. So, what is left for us to fear?

His discipline.
His correction.
His regaining of our focus and attention.
His pruning.
His training.

God loves us. He promises not to leave us to die apart from His love and grace. When we get stuck in habitual sin, it is like a fish who has jumped out of the water and is lying on the shore of the ocean unable to breathe. Struggling to survive. He will not leave us there. He promises to rescue us from ourselves, from sin and from death.

He picks us up and throws us back into the ocean of his grace.

Many times it hurts. Our sin can cause irreparable damage to our relationships, to our view of God or of ourselves. If God exposes our sin, it can cause further damage.

Is it because he wants to hurt us?
No.
It is because He is always loving.
The most loving thing He can do in that instance is to rescue us from our sin. If that hurts, then the pain is worth it for the freedom that comes as a result.

Fear God because he has the love to want to rescue us, the power to rescue us, and will rescue us. His discipline and correction will come in order to save us from being separated from his love and grace. Nothing can separate us from His love and grace. Separation is not an option.

Sometimes it comes in the form of physical death. We are eternally freed from our addictions and sin.

Sometimes it comes in the form of physical sickness, disease or injury. Sometimes it comes in the form of broken relationships. Sometimes it comes in the collapse of systems, governments and nations.

He will do whatever it takes to rescue us from sin and death.

Whatever it takes.
Whatever it takes.

Fear God. He loves you enough to do whatever it takes. Fear God and do what He says, obey Him. Avoid sin. Don't avoid God.

"Here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind." - Solomon in the book of Ecclesiastes

The Death of Christianity

Christ's death was the most life changing, heaven and earth colliding moment of human history since the Creation of man.

Heaven and earth were close,
intermingled,
indistinguishable,
intertwined.
The fate of all humanity was transformed in an instant, in an eternity.

God, who is with us, who is for us, who is holding us, who is in us, died.

Everything changed,
for us.
God never changes,
for us.
Our reality will never be the same. A door was revealed, an open door. It had been there all the time, but we couldn't see it until God himself came and revealed it. All that happened before and everything that was to happen since made sense in a new way because of his death and resurrection and the new life that He offers to each of us every day.

There is hope for new life.
There is hope in Christ.
There is hope for us to live, really live.

There is hope for love and joy and peace and grace and mercy and forgiveness to be revealed through us, through the Holy Spirit in us reflecting the light that shone from heaven through the cross, through Christ.

There are so many barriers that hinder that light from shining. We talk about shining our light and sharing the Good News. Of all the barriers, there is one that has arguably done the most damage to the Church's ability to share Christ with those who don't know him.

Chris·tian·i·ty

noun \ˌkris-chē-ˈa-nə-tē

 

1: the religion derived from Jesus Christ, based on the Bible as sacred scripture, and professed by Eastern, Roman Catholic, and Protestant bodies

2: conformity to the Christian religion

3: the practice of Christianity

 

Being in the presence of the Almighty God has led some to fall on their faces, to shut up, to shine, to sing, to worship, to see, to dance, to live.

Christianity is designed by well-meaning people to draw others to God, to help people relate to God, and to give guidelines, provide a context for worshiping and serving God.

All of that sounds good and sounds helpful, but the one flaw is that it is designed by people.

Christianity is like a painting of Christ or a statue. It is a representation of Christ created by one for the benefit of another.

And, for as long as there has been a church, there have been those who have preferred enjoying the statue over knowing the Almighty God of the universe.

We tend to talk about different things. We either talk about the creators of the statue or we talk about the Creator of the Universe. "The founding pastor of our church was such a godly man. He was there when my son was sick. He was such a dynamic speaker, such a strong man."

We either talk about how the statue was carved out of a lump of stone or how our hearts were transformed from a heart of stone to a heart of flesh. "We started with just a few families and then started meeting at the lodge and finally bought our own property and built this beautiful church."

We either talk about how the statue makes us feel or how God makes us feel. "When I come to church, I feel so loved, so accepted. I never feel better than when the team leads us in singing."

When times are hard, we either look to the statue or we look to God. "Why didn't someone from the church call? The sermons just don't connect with me. The music team just sounds flat. The programs don't meet our family's needs. Maybe we should visit some other statues."

Christianity must die

The statue must fall. Christianity must be undone. We cannot let anything detract from God, not even our beloved religion.

The system is broken. It doesn't work. It has never worked. It is just what we do. We create systems to replace relationships. We know that something is important and we don't want it to get messed up, so we create a system to protect it, provide it, or pass it down.

It didn't work. It doesn't work. It never works.

Christianity can't protect Christ, can't provide Christ, and can't pass down Christ to future generations.

At best it can protect an idea, provide a doctrine and pass down a beautiful building. But, it isn't worth the sacrifice. We lose more than we gain.

The system robs us of relationships. The system replaces relationships with programs. The system replaces intimacy with bureaucracy.

The best hope for the message of Christ to move forward is for Christians, those who know and love God, to know and love those around them.

Christ describes it this way, "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."

 

Christianity must die, so that people are not distracted from Christ. The statue must be torn down, so that when people reject the model, they don't think that they are rejecting God.

We must trust. Trust Christ to not let the church die. Trust ourselves to keep loving God without having a structure to protect us. Trust our children to not lose faith and forget the God who loves them.

Let the Bible be our structure, not a building. Let the relationships that we have provide for us not the programs that we design. Let the presence of God in our lives pass on our faith to our children.

God died, but He is not dead.

Now it is time for Christianity to die. Death is not the end. It will be a new beginning.