The "Routine" Procedure

The "Routine" Procedure

My 12 year old son had to go through a “routine” medical procedure a few months ago. I did okay getting him to the hospital. I did okay in the waiting room as we each read our books and watched old time Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck cartoons. I was feeling unsettled, but I could block that out with the tales about Coach Wooden and his dad. Then, we were called in and Ethan was given one of those hospital gowns. We told him which side was the front and how the breezy side was the back. And, that unsettled feeling I had been trying to ignore was rushing to the forefront. I hated this.

I wanted to be anywhere in the world but here. But, I had a choice. I could be somewhere else. But, I wanted to be here, here with my son to bring him comfort and peace and hope and confidence. So, there I sat or stood or paced and prayed and trusted and prayed and doubted and prayed and hoped. And this was a “routine” procedure. I cannot imagine living in a world where this was routine.

The anesthesiologist asked him if he wanted gas to relax him before she put the IV in to help rehydrate him. He shook his pale smiling head and said that he just couldn’t watch the needle go in, after that he’d be fine. She kept talking to him about how brave he was. He was brave. I wasn’t feeling brave.

I walked alongside him into the procedure room, praying and holding his hand until they put the tube in his mouth and started the real IV that knocked him out.

He was in the room for less than an hour when the doctor told us that everything was fine, maybe a little area of concern, but we could treat that with medicine if need be. They would let us know when the results came back from the tests they took.

Then, we sat watching him as he slept. And, I couldn’t help but feel completely helpless. The only thing I wanted in that moment was for my son to be okay, to wake up and be okay. The machines were all hooked up and every indication that modern medicine could offer told me he was okay and was going to be okay. But, my whole life was upside down.

I hated seeing him like that. I hated that helpless feeling, knowing that there was nothing I could do to fix this and make everything okay again. I could not protect him from this, and I could not speed his recovery. I could only wait and hope.

Even with the full confidence of science and medicine, my heart ached and my body followed. I felt like throwing up.

I bet most parents have felt that way about their children at one point or another. Hopeless and helpless. Even most of those without children can relate to seeing a loved one suffer, a parent, a sibling, or a friend.

Comparisons

If you compare your situation to mine, you might think I was overreacting.

I recently met a couple who lost their young son to cancer after a prolonged battle. I am sure they experienced every emotion and fear and doubt that I experienced in those few hours, but with greater intensity and prolonged over years instead of minutes. There was even a time when they thought he had won the fight and was in remission.

A woman from our church found out about her son’s death after he crashed his car on the way to the prom. I’m sure she experienced the same feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.

Surely my situation doesn’t compare to theirs.

That is the thing. They don’t compare. My pain doesn’t compare with your pain. My life doesn’t compare to your life. My faith doesn’t compare to your faith. We are all gifted by God with different hopes, different dreams, different courage and different faith. Because we all face different suffering, different heartache, different pain, and different loss. There is no way to compare ourselves with one other. There is no objective standard, no measuring rod.

And, besides, if there was a measuring rod, we would all fall into the deception of thinking that our lives are worse than somebody else’s, that life is unfair, or that we are better than someone else because of how we have lived our lives compared to them. And, I think we all know how destructive that is. It leads to bigotry, hatred, condescension, insults, arrogance, and that awful feeling that we are all alone, isolated from everyone around us.

That leads to the death of compassion. We close our hearts to others because we feel that they have closed their hearts to us.

And, that is where our suffering and pain is meant to lead us. When we compare ourselves to one another it separates us, divides us into those that are like us and those that are not.

Us vs. Them.

Compassion

But, compassion draws us toward one another. When we see someone else in pain and are drawn by God to feel, to have empathy, we experience oneness and unity. We feel compassion for them and love for them. We feel what God feels when he sees our suffering.

As Mother's Day came and went, I could not help but ache for those who have lost children.

It is obvious that our new friends have experienced peace and grace and hope throughout the torture of walking with their son through cancer and grieving his death. It is clear that the struggle for life and the defeat of death was not the whole story. They spoke about their son with smiles and love and hope. Together we laughed and played and spoke of Christ's love. They have a peace and confidence that doesn’t make sense.

They have a peace and confidence that medical and scientific progress couldn’t give me as I looked into the colorless face and lifeless expression of my son lying on that hospital bed.

Strange.

Their peace brings me peace. Just like their struggle can’t be compared to my struggle. Their peace can’t be compared to my peace.

But, I can draw strength and hope from it. I can and I am.

They have gone through hell manifesting itself on earth. They have experienced the result of sin on this earth fulfilling its goal, leading to death.

They have also experienced heaven on earth. A oneness with God, a peace, a love that they attribute to Christ.

This reminds me of a verse from the Bible that I have memorized over the years.

Christ was using an illustration about branches needing to remain connected to the vine in order to have life when he said, “apart from me you can do nothing.”

When I live apart from Christ and apart from the people he gave me to love, I die. If you have ever felt so depressed that you didn’t think you could get up out of bed, you didn’t think you could take another step, you didn’t care whether you lived or died, you couldn’t eat and all you wanted to do was sleep, then you have experienced this verse to some extent. “Apart from [Christ] you can do nothing.”

If you have suffered through addiction and felt powerless to break from the chains that you feel, then you too have experienced the truth of this verse, "apart from [Christ] you can do nothing."

If you have ever faced a life controlled and confined by fear, anxiety and worry. If you have ever said, "No, I just can't do that," because you were afraid you might have a panic attack. If you have ever not done when you knew in your heart was the right, good and best thing to do because you were terrified what might happen. Then, you have experienced the reality of the verse, "apart from [Christ] you can do nothing."

The flip side of that verse is one that many of us teach even to our youngest children. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

If apart from Christ we can’t even go to work or stop from taking a smoke or walk into a crowded mall, it makes sense that whatever Christ gives us the strength to do, we can do.

Like I said, I wanted to be anywhere in the world except there with my wife watching my son go through that. But, Christ gave me the strength to do what I wanted to do even more, be there for him. As Rachel and I sat by his bed, Christ gave us strength and peace and hope and courage. Christ gave us love that overcame our fear. My heart said to run and hide and try to numb the pain I felt. But, Christ’s love gave me the courage to sit and wait and pray and hope.

I guess that is always our choice. Face the fear and the pain and the suffering of life with love or not. We can always choose to run and hide and numb the pain or stand and fight in our own strength of mind and will and body.

But, in the end, the only choice we have is whether or not to remain in Christ. “Apart from me you can do nothing.” OR “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”

Live in strength. Live in Christ.

Live in peace. Live in Christ.

Live in love. Live in Christ.

Choose life. Choose Christ.

Then, we will have compassion and empathy for those around us. Then, we will be a bright light offering hope and a way to those around us.

Thank you Jesus for being our light, our way, our hope, our peace and our strength.

Going to Church is a Good Idea, But Don't Go

We need to be the Church, not go to church. Part of being the Church is joining with other believers for relationship and worship and teaching and mission. I agree with the premise of an article in Relevant magazine that tells Millennials to go to church. They need to be grounded in a local community for relationship building over time to those who need to see the love of Christ lived out. They also need mentors and a secure place to return to after taking risks in their faith.

The systemic problem of the church is what limits the church's connection to this generation. What God-fearing Christian wants to spend their life energy, passion and resources maintaining a broken system.

Millennials, like other sane people, don't want to spend time filling positions on planning boards, redecorating the church foyer or making photocopies for Children's Church. They want to connect with people who are in need (spiritually, physically, emotionally, socially...) and pour out the love of Christ into their lives.

The Mission of the Church is as clear as the mission of most churches is muddled. The Mission is to live in community, grounded in the love of Christ, demonstrating that love to the world of people within their reach and influence. "Go out and train everyone you meet, far and near, in this way of life, marking them by baptism in the threefold name: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit" (MSG)

The typical church structure hinders this. It is much more direct to walk the streets, strike up a conversation with a homeless person and invite him to lunch than to sit in a planning meeting about the next church barbecue.

Church-owned property, church-centric programs, and finance-driven decisions betray the anemic mission of most churches.

When I mention that our family has started a home church, we sometimes get asked questions that reveal a tragic misunderstanding of the nature and mission of the church.

The first question is usually: "How many people come?" I want to say, "Really? Is that your first question? How about, 'How have you seen God working in your midst?' or if we are close friends, 'Are you fulfilling your mission as a church?'" What I usually say is something like, "Not many. It's been the most rewarding and life-giving experience of our lives."

We are called to be light and salt, to bring life to those who are dying, to rescue those who stumble, to feed the hungry and preach the Gospel to everyone we meet.

Millennials should not join a church just because there are some good reasons to. They should continue to think outside of the church systems and find new ways to be the Church. They can help the rest of us figure out how to be rooted in communities, facilitate much needed mentoring relationships and maintain a strong faith community without wasting our resources on finding creative ways of inviting people into our well-maintained buildings.

I was a pastor at a traditional church for 18 years and was unable to break through the systemic problems to get back to the important role of the church to be light and salt. In a traditional church, buildings must be maintained, bills must be paid, organization and hierarchy are necessary evils.

Every moment spent on these hinders the church from fulfilling its true mission. When we ask questions like, "How do we keep people from leaving?" or "How do we attract more people?" or "Who can we get to fill this position?" we demonstrate a commitment to the structures that is stronger than our commitment to Christ and to His mission. The traditional church model is not the answer and more and more it seems to be a hindrance.

Let's find a way forward together.

My next post is in response to questions that arose from this one: The Mission, the Men, and Me

The Death of Christianity

Christ's death was the most life changing, heaven and earth colliding moment of human history since the Creation of man.

Heaven and earth were close,
intermingled,
indistinguishable,
intertwined.
The fate of all humanity was transformed in an instant, in an eternity.

God, who is with us, who is for us, who is holding us, who is in us, died.

Everything changed,
for us.
God never changes,
for us.
Our reality will never be the same. A door was revealed, an open door. It had been there all the time, but we couldn't see it until God himself came and revealed it. All that happened before and everything that was to happen since made sense in a new way because of his death and resurrection and the new life that He offers to each of us every day.

There is hope for new life.
There is hope in Christ.
There is hope for us to live, really live.

There is hope for love and joy and peace and grace and mercy and forgiveness to be revealed through us, through the Holy Spirit in us reflecting the light that shone from heaven through the cross, through Christ.

There are so many barriers that hinder that light from shining. We talk about shining our light and sharing the Good News. Of all the barriers, there is one that has arguably done the most damage to the Church's ability to share Christ with those who don't know him.

Chris·tian·i·ty

noun \ˌkris-chē-ˈa-nə-tē

 

1: the religion derived from Jesus Christ, based on the Bible as sacred scripture, and professed by Eastern, Roman Catholic, and Protestant bodies

2: conformity to the Christian religion

3: the practice of Christianity

 

Being in the presence of the Almighty God has led some to fall on their faces, to shut up, to shine, to sing, to worship, to see, to dance, to live.

Christianity is designed by well-meaning people to draw others to God, to help people relate to God, and to give guidelines, provide a context for worshiping and serving God.

All of that sounds good and sounds helpful, but the one flaw is that it is designed by people.

Christianity is like a painting of Christ or a statue. It is a representation of Christ created by one for the benefit of another.

And, for as long as there has been a church, there have been those who have preferred enjoying the statue over knowing the Almighty God of the universe.

We tend to talk about different things. We either talk about the creators of the statue or we talk about the Creator of the Universe. "The founding pastor of our church was such a godly man. He was there when my son was sick. He was such a dynamic speaker, such a strong man."

We either talk about how the statue was carved out of a lump of stone or how our hearts were transformed from a heart of stone to a heart of flesh. "We started with just a few families and then started meeting at the lodge and finally bought our own property and built this beautiful church."

We either talk about how the statue makes us feel or how God makes us feel. "When I come to church, I feel so loved, so accepted. I never feel better than when the team leads us in singing."

When times are hard, we either look to the statue or we look to God. "Why didn't someone from the church call? The sermons just don't connect with me. The music team just sounds flat. The programs don't meet our family's needs. Maybe we should visit some other statues."

Christianity must die

The statue must fall. Christianity must be undone. We cannot let anything detract from God, not even our beloved religion.

The system is broken. It doesn't work. It has never worked. It is just what we do. We create systems to replace relationships. We know that something is important and we don't want it to get messed up, so we create a system to protect it, provide it, or pass it down.

It didn't work. It doesn't work. It never works.

Christianity can't protect Christ, can't provide Christ, and can't pass down Christ to future generations.

At best it can protect an idea, provide a doctrine and pass down a beautiful building. But, it isn't worth the sacrifice. We lose more than we gain.

The system robs us of relationships. The system replaces relationships with programs. The system replaces intimacy with bureaucracy.

The best hope for the message of Christ to move forward is for Christians, those who know and love God, to know and love those around them.

Christ describes it this way, "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."

 

Christianity must die, so that people are not distracted from Christ. The statue must be torn down, so that when people reject the model, they don't think that they are rejecting God.

We must trust. Trust Christ to not let the church die. Trust ourselves to keep loving God without having a structure to protect us. Trust our children to not lose faith and forget the God who loves them.

Let the Bible be our structure, not a building. Let the relationships that we have provide for us not the programs that we design. Let the presence of God in our lives pass on our faith to our children.

God died, but He is not dead.

Now it is time for Christianity to die. Death is not the end. It will be a new beginning.

Lost Your Faith? It's Time to Rebuild, Part 2 - Building on the Foundation

Our home has a pretty open floor plan. We like having less walls and more room to run and play, laugh and dance. We throw balls and climb walls. When the kids were smaller we had a basketball hoop tied to a pillar in our living room. Check it out in the background of this cute picture of Rachel and Ryan.

We designed our home to be practical, usable, a place to have fun.

In fact, we were able to design our home on the computer before it was built. In the original plans, we wanted to have an open kitchen, dining room and living room on the first floor with only one closed room with doors that could serve as a bedroom for an elderly grandparent or parent if it was ever needed.

When the architect looked at our floor plan, he quickly saw the problem. We had no support for the second floor. Unfortunately, if we didn’t put in posts for support, we would have soon had a one story house. It would have collapsed under its own weight.

So, we compromised.

That’s what we do, isn’t it. We have plans and dreams and hopes and desires. Then, we face reality and we make choices. Some things are worth the extra money, extra time, or extra work to have them just so, and other things aren’t. They just aren’t that important.

Some walls in our house are weight bearing walls; others are simply for design purposes. Together they make up the structure of our house.

Confuse the two when we are doing remodeling and there can be big problems.

The same can be said for our houses of faith. Assuming that we are building on a solid foundation, (To see Part 1 of this series to learn more about a solid foundation, click here) we need supporting walls. These are important truths that aren’t foundational.

In fact, a solid foundation is so singular, so precise, there is no room for most of our beliefs. Besides the foundational belief, everything else falls in one of two categories. beliefs are either structural or décor.

The Structure

What are these structural beliefs? Here are a few examples of what might be structural to you.

(For some, these concepts might not have an impact on your faith and so for you they wouldn't be structural but rather part of the décor. For others, some of these beliefs may take priority over others. Those that take priority would be weight bearing walls.)

Is the Bible inspired by God? Is it true? Does it contain errors and misrepresentations of God, people, the earth, etc.? And to what extent?

Was the world created in 7 literal days? Was it created over millions of years? Was there a literal Adam and Eve or are they representations or symbols?

Was Christ truly born of a virgin? Did he know that he was the Son of God all His life or did he learn that as he grew up? What was the significance of his baptism by John?

What is our responsibility to the poor, to the outcast, to prisoners, to modern day slaves, to the mentally ill, to the physically disabled, to any who are oppressed?

What is our responsibility to the world, to our countries, to our people, to our culture? Are we to evangelize with words or deeds or both? As citizens, what is our responsibility? Are we to vote if we are able?

Will there be a rapture? Is the anti-Christ really coming? Will there be a thousand years when Christ will reign on this earth? Or are these symbolic ways to understand the end times?

Our perspectives about communion, baptism, the church, the differences between men and women, etc. are all structural beliefs. Some are more important than others based on our perspective.

These are our structural beliefs and though they change over time, they give shape to our faith. Some years, we focus on activism. Others we lean inward for spiritual renewal and growth. Some years we focus on grief and healing. Others we lean toward celebration.

Like my physical house, my house of faith has an open floor plan. I have some main pillars for support, but lots of open spaces for conversation and interaction. If we can agree on our foundation, I am not closed off to too many ideas. I love discussing beliefs with others who have well-thought out floor plans of faith.

What your house of faith looks like, depends largely on how you answer this question: What beliefs are important to me? What beliefs, if they changed, would change how I perceive God, myself, and the world around me?

My advice to you is to build slowly, methodically. Hold everything lightly with open hands. Begin forming your opinions but keep an open mind. And never be afraid to tear down one of these beliefs and start over. But, do so deliberately, lovingly. We want our homes and our house of faith to be inviting and welcoming. We want them to be a safe place for us and for others.

If we have too many firm, unshakable beliefs, we might feel more secure, safer. We might feel like we are defending the true faith. But, what happens is we build lots of walls in our home. Our rooms become cramped and uncomfortable. Others don't feel welcome. And our faith house becomes a cold and uninviting place.

Build your house of faith with love and grace.

The Décor

The décor is what makes us feel at home. If you live in a house, think what it would be like if you removed all of your stuff and went to live somewhere else. Then, someone buys the house and moves in all of their stuff.

Is it the same house? Yes, of course.

But, is it your home? No, not really.

The furniture is different.
The paintings are different.
The feel is different.
The smell is different.
It just isn’t home.
That is what I mean by décor.

Décor is what makes your faith your own. If you and I took a multiple choice test on what we believe, we may check the same boxes off. But, our faith is still different.

Faith is mysterious that way. It can be shared in the sense that we can journey together with others, grow together, enjoy their company, but we never have the same faith. Our faith is unique, personal.

My house of faith is fit for me, right now. But over the years it has looked quite different. My tastes have changed. I like to spend more time alone than I did 20 years ago. Where I used to wear vibrant colors, I now enjoy more earth tones. As I have changed, my décor has changed.

But, the house, the house has remained pretty much the same since seminary.

I used to judge others based on my house of faith. I would assume that if others disagreed with me, it was because they were wrong and I was right. I didn't realize that their faith could be right for them though it was wrong for me.

It sounds so much like relativism as I type it. But, it is something much more. It is the infinite ability of a loving God to meet each of us where we are and not just leave us there, but to guide and lead and love us toward Himself.

Every person’s faith is unique. Each person’s relationship with Christ develops differently over time based on things that we cannot quantify or calculate.

Every house of faith is unique, specific to the person who lives there.

The Belief Test: Which Belief Is Which

If you aren't sure whether a belief is foundational, structural or décor, take this simple test:

Is it worth dying for? Is it worth living for?
Is it important? Does it add to my understanding of God, faith, and life?
Is it something that makes me feel comfortable and feels fresh and new?

My foundation is worth dying for.

Almost all of the apostles and many Christians to this day, have been martyred for their faith because they would not deny their foundation. Some report that more have been killed in the past century than at any other time in history. By one estimate, the year 2000 was the peak at 160,000 martyred for their faith in Christ. (The report acknowledges that the faith of individuals cannot be determined with certainty, so they calculate how many were killed because they were believed to be Christians.)

My foundation is also worth living for. I can spend the rest of my life in the service of Christ, sharing the good news of eternal life, the Gospel and I won't regret it. I won't.

But, my structure… not so much.

I wouldn’t choose to die to defend the right to have an abortion or a law making it illegal to have one. I wouldn’t die for Creation vs. the Big Bang, the virginal conception of Christ, a method of baptism, or details about communion.

My structural beliefs are real and important because they help me to make sense of my life and my faith. But, they are not worth living or dying for.

My décor? I hate even wasting breath on those. I could argue for or against them. Based on the time of day or what I had for dinner last night, I could argue either side depending on who wanted to argue with me. It just isn’t worth it. They make me feel comfortable. They bring a smile to my face. They are not important.

Throughout History

Denominations split over structural beliefs. Churches divide over décor. Individuals leave churches over décor. Rarely do we ever find ourselves arguing over foundational truths.

What Now?

Check your foundation. Do you have a relationship with Christ? (To see Part 1 of this series to learn more about a solid foundation, click here).

The fastest and simplest way to build your structural beliefs is to read the Bible and pray. Study the Bible. As you read, listen to the Holy Spirit guiding you. What resonates with your soul? What makes you feel alive and refreshes your soul?

When you lose your faith, it is normal to give up or feel lost and confused. Be patient with yourself. Rebuild your faith slowly and deliberately. Find some friends and let them be your church, your fellow journeyers in the faith.

There will be some rough times ahead. Be gracious to yourself and others. Your new house of faith might look quite different than what used to be acceptable to your old friends.

Give them time to adjust as you grow and change.

Don't build your walls to shut people out. Build them to welcome people and invite them in. As your house of faith takes shape you will be more and more comfortable with it. But, don't wait until its finished before you have guests.

May God bless you as you build. He is faithful and will guide you.

Lost Your Faith? It's Time to Rebuild - Part 1 - The Foundation

If you are able to read this, then my confident belief is that you have faith. I agree with James Fowler and many other experts in the field of faith development…

"I believe faith is a human universal." (from Stages of Faith)

If it is true that we all have faith, then I believe that it is also true that all of us have had or will have serious doubts about our faith.

When we realize that we have put our faith in the wrong things or the wrong people, we come to a crisis of faith. We have to choose what to keep and what to throw away. And, sometimes, we have to start all over from scratch.

Do you feel like you've lost your faith?

Do you wonder what is true, what is real?

Do you want to start over, but don't know how?

This is a guide to rebuilding your faith, when you realize that you have based your life on a faith that is a lie. When you realize that you no longer have faith in the things you used to believe.

Re-Building a House of Faith

When I talk about faith, I like to use the illustration of a house. A house has a foundation, structure, and décor.

If you build a new foundation, it is because you want to build a new house. So, it is important to make sure the foundation is solid before you start building. That way the house will last a lifetime.

In house building, you usually start with the blueprints, the layout of the house that you want and then you build a foundation to fit under and support it

Not so with a house of faith.

A house of faith can only be built once you have chosen a foundation. This is the first level of your faith. It is where you must begin. Your first choice.

If you feel like you have lost your faith, you may recognize something from this list that you had put your faith in.

Myself - Talent, Intellect, Charisma
Religion - Superstition, Idolatry, Rituals, Tradition
My Feelings - Love, Revenge
Others’ Expectations - Parents, Teachers, Friends, My Own
Financial Security - Work, Wealth, Inheritance, the Lottery
Logic - Science, Reason, Education, Training
Personal Righteousness - Purity, Perfectionism, Comparison to Others
Heritage - Ancestry, Family Name
Political Power - Manipulating Others for Personal Gain
Strength - Physical Power, Emotional Distance
Fame

Did you find something there that you had trusted? Something that proved to be false and untrustworthy?
We tend to trust what seems to work. We trust our senses, our education, our parents or our tradition. We trust ourselves and whatever gives us the illusion of being in control.

Whether we feel that we have these things or just are working toward them, we can easily be deceived and think that these things are worthy of our trust. So, we put our faith in them.

We all have a tendency to put our faith in the wrong things. When we do, we wind up having a weak foundation for our house of faith. When the storms of life come, our houses can easily crumble.

I am a Christian, so I truly believe that the only solid foundation is the Gospel message, a relationship with Christ. I believe that any other foundation, at best, is incomplete and at worst is a complete lie.

If you disagree, please bear with me. Look at that list above. People have put their faith in everyone of those things. Each one is dependent on people. People fail. We fail. I fail. You fail. Putting our complete trust in a person, even ourselves, can't work.

If we build our lives on trusting a person, our faith will be broken and we will have to rebuild... again. And, if you are thinking about rebuilding now or have had to in the past, you know how painful it is, how confusing it is and how the sooner we can start building on the right foundation, the better.

A foundation built on a lie is like building on sand. The house can be perfectly formed with beautiful architecture and magnificently decorated. But, the first sign of a major storm, of waves or a strong wind and the whole house crumbles. Without a firm foundation, the house has no anchor, no strength.

But, a foundation built on the truth of Christ is like building on solid rock that cannot be shaken. Storms, waves, wind cannot destroy what has been built.

The Solid Foundation

Our only hope for a solid foundation is a relationship with Christ. This is based on the immeasurable, matchless love that God has for us all and His infinite grace.

When we surrender our need to control and figure out and manipulate and twist and turn,

When we see that all that we do to make a sure foundation is faulty and twisted by our own sinfulness,

When we admit that we are too weak to even try to build a new foundation, we are starting to get close.

We realize that we are overwhelmingly broken and hurting and in need and we cry out to God and say, I can't rebuild. I have lost faith. I have lost hope.

I can't go on.
 I can't try again.
  I can't even begin.
   I just can't.

Then, we are ever so close. It is here that God meets us. It is here that God who has loved us each moment of our lives pours out His love and grace and offers us His son, Jesus Christ.

Jesus, who was sinless Himself, laid down His life. Though many cried out, "Crucify him!" and others nailed him to the cross, no one took his life from him.

He laid it down.

He gave his life freely, because of his love and the love of His Father. He chose death, so that we could have life.

He laid down his life and then he picked it back up. He died to pay the penalty for our sins and then he rose again so that we too might one day rise again to have life, to be forever with the Father.

This is the foundation. Receiving the gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ.

This gift is the only solid foundation. It is a gift, freely given and must be received to be enjoyed.

Any other foundation is built on us, our efforts, our abilities, our strength.
Every other foundation will fail because we fail. We sin.
Christ and his love never fail. His grace is enough.

This is the foundation that we all can depend on.

If you want this foundation but need more help in receiving it, it is spoken about throughout the Bible. Read the book of Romans and ask God to reveal to you the truth of the Gospel. He is faithful and will gladly receive you, forgive you and give you eternal life.

Romans 3:23 - For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

Romans 6:23 - For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 10-8-13 - “The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart” (that is, the word of faith that we proclaim); because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved. For the Scripture says, “Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.” For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; for the same Lord is Lord of all, bestowing his riches on all who call on him. For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”

There is no magic prayer to pray or special ceremony. But, if you choose to rebuild your house of faith on the foundation of a relationship with Christ. A prayer like this might be helpful to you:

"God, I have tried. I have tried to trust and to believe, but my house of faith is not strong. It is weak because I have sinned. I believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross to pay the penalty for my sins. I believe. I believe that He died to give me the gift of eternal life. So, I choose to put my trust in him and to receive that gift. I trust you to help me build a house of faith that is true and real and will last for my entire life. I trust you. In Jesus, my Savior's name, I pray, Amen."

(Please leave a comment or contact me if you want more help in understanding this good news. It has transformed my life, and it can yours as well.)

Part 2 of this blog talks about the structure and decor of your house of faith. Click here.

Losing Faith: The Best Thing that Could Have Happened to Me

Going to College

When I left high school, I was a leader in my church youth group. I had brought people to youth group with me. Our youth group leader had led some of them to Christ, and I was confident in my faith.

I arrived at college a couple of weeks early to try out for the soccer team, so the place was pretty much deserted. Parties were held every night, but alcohol wasn't appealing to me, so I spent a lot of time alone.

Current research out of the Fuller Youth Institute suggests that the first two weeks of college are crucial for students. Most students will fall into some temptation or other, but how they deal with it, who they talk to about it and how much they dwell on it can set the tone for the rest of their time away from home.

After classes started for real, I wanted to make some friends, but I felt completely out of my element. So I decided to go out partying with a friend from high school. I still didn't drink, but I didn't know what else to do, so I went along and became the designated driver.

One time, there were eight or nine of us heading to a party. So, my friend from high school hopped in the trunk and rode to the party.

That was the most memorable thing that happened that night. The party was boring. I played quarters, a drinking game, but I drank shots of Sprite. It was stupid. The atmosphere was bizarre and kind of surreal. I felt totally out of place and had no desire to do what it took to feel "in place".

At the next party, I found myself wandering around on the street outside a frat house. They had supposedly spiked the punch with pure grain alcohol that wouldn't leave any alcohol taste. They had two flavors and kept serving my friends grape instead of cherry. They figured that the alcohol was only being served to the frat guys and the girls because none of my friends were getting drunk. So, I offered to get a cup, assuming that I could taste the alcohol or more quickly feel the effects of it since I was a non-drinker.

I couldn't taste anything and didn't feel a buzz. I told them they were probably being pranked and went outside to walk around.

I found another non-drinker, Antoine, who was also looking to make friends.

We ate some donuts, began talking and stopped going to parties.We had found what we were looking for. We made another friend, Pete and eventually we all became suite mates.

Pete and I found a church and joined a couple of Christian clubs on campus. I felt confident that I had survived the transition to college without losing my faith.

House of Faith

I like to use the analogy of a house when I talk about faith. It takes time to build. We each build our homes differently based on lots of variables from life experience to personality to circumstances.

And a house has three important aspects: the foundation, the structure and the décor.

I was sure that I had a firm foundation. Unfortunately, I was inexperienced and had little understanding of my faith. So, I began to build out instead of up.

Like an untrained builder, I was building my house away from the foundation. It hung off the edges and was supported by my intellect, personality, wit and logic. I was trusting in the wrong things. I was trusting largely in myself and my ability to understand and interpret the teaching of others. I became the judge of what was right and wrong.

(I looked for a picture on the internet of a house built hanging out away from a solid foundation, but there aren't any. I guess that's because no one does that. Here's one interesting picture I found, though.)

http://favim.com/image/121394

I could explain my points and “win” some arguments.

Then I had the talk (which I mentioned in an earlier blog, click here) with my father, an ongoing conversation that lasted for a whole summer.

That conversation shook my house of faith. It washed away all of the things that had no foundation and damaged the structural integrity of those things that did. I wasn’t sure what I could trust, what was real.

I learned to trust my intellect from my Dad. And my intellect and his intellect led us to different places.

I felt paralyzed by fear. I was afraid to think that I had been wrong. I was afraid to think that I had wasted so much of my life and energy on lies.

In time, I discovered that my foundation was unshaken, undamaged. I still believed in Christ. I still had a relationship with Christ. And, that was the realization I needed in order to have the courage to keep going. I tore down the rest of the house and started over.

I began to rebuild my house of faith. I read the Bible through from beginning to end. I started paying closer attention to what I was being taught. I checked things with Scripture. I had not learned the difference between exegesis, drawing conclusions out from the Scripture, and eisegesis, reading one’s ideas into the Bible, (e.g. drawing conclusions and then finding Scripture to support it). So, I still was making lots of assumptions, but I was sticking closer to my foundational beliefs.

Losing Faith, Again

So, my second house of faith was more carefully built.

In seminary, post-graduate training for a life as a pastor, I found myself in another storm. Even after what I had been through the first time, I wasn't ready for this.

I knew that my professors were incredibly intelligent. I believed that they loved Christ. And yet, they were telling me that many of the things I had been taught in church and Sunday School were untrue.

They taught me to study the Bible as literature. They taught me new ways of understanding the inerrancy and inspiration of Scripture. They taught me to question everything that I had learned up to that point.

I realized that so much of what I believed was based on other people’s opinions and interpretations of the Scripture rather than a prayerful, careful study of them. In seminary, I learned that there are many different ways to interpret the Bible and each way was inadequate to grasp the richness and wonder and glory of God.

They taught me to stop striving for the right answers and start striving for honest answers.

I learned to say, "That's not really clear from Scripture. There are different views on that. My best understanding is..."

God is an Ocean

To use a different analogy, as a teen, I was taught about the ocean, that is God, and thought that I had grasped it. I was taught about its vastness and its power. I was taught how to understand it.

After my conversation with my Dad, I began to visit the ocean, to feel the breezes, smell the salt filled air, and put my feet in the wet sand. I met artists on the beach painting seascapes and eventually I even started trying to capture it for myself.

In seminary, I learned to swim. I gave up the hope of ever capturing the ocean with my ideas or pictures, and I embraced its greatness and enjoyed exploring its beauty. I let it wash over me and envelop me.

The ocean is powerful. Most days, I stay close to the shore afraid of what the deep waters might bring. But, some days I feel brave, I trust God a little more, and I lose sight of the land for a little while. I like those days... when all there is is God. (Writing about it now is making me long for it. I need to plan my next trip.)

Katie frolicking in Washington, on the Pacific Coast

So, with the help of my professors, I tore down my house of faith again. This time, I knew the foundation was good. I even kept some of the weight bearing walls. My relationship with Christ was strong. It had stood the test of time.

And, then, over three years, they taught me how to build. I was free to build and shape my house however I wanted. Each paper I wrote, each discussion in class, and each personal encounter about some theological concept or practical ministry decision was an opportunity for them to show me the strength and weakness of my construction.

They taught me to know the limitations of my understanding and my theology, to hold my ideas with humility and grace. They helped me to see how my personality, experiences, and upbringing led me to certain beliefs. Others with different backgrounds were led in other ways.

My way wasn’t the right way and the other way wrong. Each had its strengths and weaknesses. Each was incomplete. But, they both provided shelter, security and a way to understand the world around us.

After having my house torn down twice already, I was afraid to build anything. They helped me get over my fear of saying, “I believe…” this or that. To begin construction again. But, they also helped me to engage with other beliefs without fear of losing my own faith.

After 21 years in ministry, my house of faith is still standing on the rock, the true foundation, Jesus Christ. I have moved some walls and definitely changed the décor, but

my faith is secure.

I appreciate the shelter that it provides, trusting God to hold me even if the walls fall again.

Our God is faithful. He will carry us through every trial. He only tears down our faith so that he can rebuild it again, stronger.

Message Received: Thank You Brennan Manning for a Grace Well Lived

Brennan Manning died Friday morning on April 12, 2013. He revolutionized my view of grace. He unabashedly revealed his sins without glorifying them in the least. He talked openly about his weakness and failures. 

He wrote about sinful actions. He was an alcoholic. But, he also wrote about his sinfulness as a person. His lying and deception, his character flaws. he didn't portray himself as a good guy who messed up a little or even a lot.

He portrayed himself as a sinner through and through. It rocked my world and helped me to face my own sinfulness.

But, he didn't wallow in it or let us, his readers, wallow. He persistently pointed us to Christ to receive grace and forgiveness. He led us there with child-like honesty and vulnerability.

He showed us the power of grace to transform our lives and invited us to join him in a new way of living. (Here is my story of receiving that grace in a previous blog.)

Church can sometimes be a place where grace is mentioned but not lived.

I did my dissertation on the spiritual development of children raised in church culture. One of the young ladies I interviewed talked about her initial rejection of and eventual acceptance and appreciation of Brennan Manning's Ragamuffin Gospel. Here is some of my interview with her:

"I read [Ragamuffin Gospel] and this is literally what I said at the end, “This book is a joke, this isn’t true.  You shouldn’t be allowed to mess up like this and then be able to write about it and make other people think it’s okay.”

That was my impression of that book and I couldn’t understand what anybody saw in it.  I thought it was absolutely wrong and that nobody…you shouldn’t promote things like that.

And then, I got pregnant and when I got pregnant before I was married, all of a sudden I got that Ragamuffin Gospel and now I get it because it’s not about, it’s not about perfect people and what he said in that book, the Gospel is not for perfect people.  It is for alcoholics, it is for drug addicts and it is for people who have premarital sex and all these other things.

That is what Jesus came for, and yet I grew up in a home where it was – it’s not that you earned your salvation, but it was just that constant, you have to be perfect and you don’t accept people…

“Well she did (this and that) so we’re not friends with them anymore.”

“We don’t talk to them, they do this.”

I wish I had grown up with the acceptance of people who had flaws, as opposed to this rejection of people who had any sort of flaws."

Interviewer - Do you feel like you actually adopted that belief [of judging people and expecting perfection] based on your response to the Ragamuffin Gospel.

"Absolutely, ...[my husband] and I went to marital counseling a year and a half ago, ... and I was so set for this man to sit and tell [my husband] everything that was wrong with his family, cause there were glaring issues, and he actually got me to realize that I had adopted exactly what my parents did to me, which was reject everybody if there’s something. If somebody has an issue, you reject that person, and just that perfection and that lack of love.

And it actually started a year long journey, which is very difficult when you have children.  I’m just sort of finding for me what love actually is. Whoa, forget it, children and marriage.  It’s just sort of, it’s huge and it was an absolute break in the way that I have viewed the world for, up to that point, 30 years.

It was a massive change of a world view and absolutely I had adopted that, probably unknowingly, because what’s the [hardest mask to realize you are wearing] “You’re doing what’s right.”  So why would I ever doubt what I was doing was wrong because I was doing what was right. 

So you’re trying to do what’s right…. “Of course I have my flaws but it was always within reason.  You know, it wasn’t a really bad flaw, it was just a minor flaw and not as bad as that person over there.”  That type of situation.  So yeah, yeah, I definitely did.  I adopted [their judgmentalism and rejection of anyone who wasn’t perfect]."

Brennan Manning was a great guy, don't get me wrong. But, he didn't transform this young woman's life.

The grace of God transformed her life.

And, Brenning Manning's willingness to share his story of receiving that grace was a window that she could look through. And when she looked through that window, she rejected Brennan, but when she saw her own reflection in that window, her life was changed.

Rather than choosing to reject herself and run from God for fear of more rejection, she opened herself to receive His love and forgiveness, to embrace the Gospel of grace.